This Is The Proper Response To Bullies

When my paisano Vincenzo emailed me this video we wondered if I could turn it into something sports-related. Eventually I just said, “F*ck it” because I’m a rebel and I don’t play by the man’s rules. But if you really want to be a jerk about it, I’ll point out that schoolyard fights are one of this country’s most time-honored competitive traditions. And while nerdy celebrities continue to bring attention to bullying in our public schools, I think it’s high time that we told the bullies to meet us at the bike rack for a little ass kicking.

Take this kid, for instance, who found some Twitter fame yesterday under the nickname “Zangief’s Son” and “Kid Zangief”, an obvious nod to Street Fighter. It appears that Big Z here was the target of a tiny Napoleon’s wrath, and while pipsqueak got one good shot in, Z’s reaction is just downright priceless. According to Deadspin, his actual name is Casey and he’s been a constant target of bullying. Sadly, he ended up getting suspended for defending himself.

Casey’s big moment after the jump, as well as a special remix…

UPDATE: I fixed the video. Sorry, I’ve been out apologizing to all the fat kids I used to pick on.

UPDATE No. 2: Both kids were suspended for four days, according to MSNBC, but Casey’s family believes that he’s in for even worse treatment when he returns to school.

Bully Gets Zangiefed

If I can send a special message to Casey and his parents and basically all the bullied larger kids out there, don’t let them win. For starters, you’re bigger so you should be able to pound these little jerks repeatedly, including pipsqueak’s friend who got backed down by a girl while his friend wobbled like a college freshman at last call. But my main point is this – get some pads and learn blocking schemes. Use your size to your advantage and then laugh at this bully and others when they’re selling volcano insurance and begging single moms for handjobs at social networking happy hours. Food for thought, fellas.