This Weekend May Be One Of The Greatest In The History Of Sports. So Relish It!

My favorite thing in all of sports is a game seven. It doesn’t matter what the sport is — basketball, baseball or hockey — or the teams involved. The seventh game of a best-of-seven format encompasses so much of what I love about sports. Two teams who have been trading punches for almost two weeks playing one more game to determine who moves on. Nothing is held back. You can smell the desperation through your TV screen. Players and coaches hold nothing back in game sevens; you don’t conserve an ounce of energy, you play through injury you might not normally play through, you empty your playbook. I will watch any game seven and I’ll go to great lengths to do so. Because game sevens are where legends are made.

That said, there are five game sevens being played this weekend. Five of them. All thanks to the ridiculousness that is the first round of the 2014 NBA playoffs. And to think that we were .9 seconds away from a sixth until Damien Lillard robbed us of another one.

Now, toss in the Kentucky Derby, a Floyd Mayweather fight and some NHL playoff action and you suddenly have a random weekend in May of 2014 exhibiting the potential to be one of the greatest weekends in the history of sports. Think about that for a minute. So here’s what you all need to do: GET DOWN ON YOUR ASSES AND DON’T MOVE AWAY FROM YOUR TELEVISIONS. Seriously.

Oh, what’s that — you were planning on doing lawn work this weekend? There’s a pimply kid down the block who’ll do it for twenty bucks. Oh, what’s that — you were supposed to go to Home Depot with your wife this weekend? I’ve got two words for you: explosive diarrhea. Fake that sh*t (pun intended). “Honey, I’m sorry but I’m afraid if I go to Home Depot with you’ll I’ll wind up sh*tting my pants in the paint department…I should probably stay here and lay on the sofa all weekend, just to be safe.” That or eat like a dozen chili dogs to bring on the real thing.

You think I’m crazy? Allow me to reiterate: five game sevens! You thought Dwight Howard’s tears of heartbreaking, last-second defeat were delicious last night? Imagine how much more delicious they would have been if last night’s Blazers/Rockets game were a game seven!

So yeah, plop your ass on your sofa with a bag of tortilla chips and a big bowl of Rotel dip and don’t get up until Monday morning.