06.19.07 11 years ago 39 Comments

I didn't write anything about Tiger Woods losing the U.S. Open by a stroke because golf is pretty boring unless people are driving their golf carts off of cliffs.  But I guess I can congratulate Tiger on his new fatherhood: yesterday, Woods's wife Elin Nordegren gave birth to a baby girl, which they named Sam Alexis.

Nice move, Tiger.  Give your daughter a dude's first name and an androgynous middle name.  You could have at least waited until puberty before telling her you wanted a son instead.

Anyway, miracle of birth and cigars and proud blah blah blah.  I guess some people care about this, but I don't see the big deal.  Your wife pooped out a fuck trophy.  Hooray.  Now hire a nanny and get her back in the gym.  Time to tighten things back up.  (Note: I meant "tighten up" in the non-gross way, but I guess it can apply in the gross way, too.)

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