Important MMA News: Tito Ortiz Banged For 90 Minutes In The Back Of A Cab

01.06.14 4 years ago 7 Comments

(via Getty Image)

On a recent Reddit AMA, former-cabbie Ludo related the time the two worlds of being a cabbie collided: a famous person in the cab, and people having sex in the cab. Ludo picked up the Huntington Beach Bad Boy himself, Tito Ortiz, and, in Ludo’s words, a blonde wearing a skimpy dress and fake breasts (Depending on the timeline of this event, this is either Jenna Jameson, or one of the nine million OTHER blondes with fake breasts found in Orange County). After a request for a trip to a hotel in Hollywood that would have netted Ludo at least a hundred dollar fare, Tito and his lady friend began engaging in ADULT TIMES.

Tito Ortiz was nice and polite when he got in and told me the destination, but he didn’t ask if he could f*ck. Either he knew he didn’t have to, or he just didn’t want to waste any more time talking.

They started making out right away, the fake-titted blonde’s dress came off in less than a mile, and then Tito started going to work as I drove north on Beach Blvd. Fake titty blondes aren’t even my type but this woman was beautiful and I imagine I would have busted in about 5 seconds if I had been the one in the backseat. But by the time we got on the 405 he was still going. Then the 605 and he was still going. Then we got on the 5 and he was STILL f*cking. I’d never seen stamina like this before.

The 5, then the 101, then we got off on Sunset and they NEVER stopped. We started getting closer to the hotel and I thought they were going to f*ck right up to the valet stand. About a block away and after 90 minutes straight of f*cking, I finally told them we were almost there. He didn’t even finish, he just pulled out and they put their clothes back on. I pulled up front and he said “thanks” and handed me 300 bucks and got out.

Good for Tito, I guess? I did have a few thoughts when I first read this story:

  • Again, depending on time line, does this mean Ryan Bader is still the most recent person Tito’s finished?
  • Kazushi Sakuraba has got to be disappointed in Tito’s inability to pound on someone for 90 minutes and let it go to the judges.

(Y’all have no idea how difficult it was for me to not sneak in a link to Tito_Dick.JPG in this story)


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