Tom Brady is a cockroach. Thanks to the people at Zoo Atlanta, neither myself nor Uproxx can be sued for that statement. Tom Brady is a literal cockroach. What a wonderful world.
Zoo Atlanta says on its Facebook page that it had a bet with Rhode Island’s Roger Williams Park Zoo that called for the loser to name a baby animal after the winning team’s star quarterback. Both zoos figured the loser would be pretty bitter about the game, so they agreed the animal in question would be a Madagascar hissing cockroach.
The zoo introduced a whole family of cockroaches in a video Monday, including a tiny Tom Brady.
This is great. Here’s a video of the cockroach that is Tom Brady.
Here’s a fun fact and something that is 100 percent true: Tom Brady will eat feces. You see, I’m talking about Tom Brady the cockroach, not Tom Brady the friend of Donald Trump and pajama man. Cockroaches are known to eat feces, therefore, it’s reasonable to expect that Tom Brady will eventually wrap his mouth around some feces that he encounters during his life. That’s not libel; that’s science.
So there you have it — if you want to see Tom Brady eat crap, visit Zoo Atlanta and maybe your wishes will come true.