Tom Brady had quite the time on Wednesday as he and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers celebrated their Super Bowl victory with a boat parade, in which Brady rode around on a $2 million boat and got progressively more and more hammered as the day went on.
At one point, Brady launched the Lombardi Trophy to another boat, our first indication that the GOAT was feeling loose, but we got confirmation of Drunk Brady when he was propped up by his backup and ushered off the dock in a very familiar fashion to anyone who has had to escort a friend out of the bar after a few too many. It’s not a surprise, really, I mean this is a 43-year-old who has a strict diet and nutrition system who just let loose on a boat in the Tampa sun, which is like, expert level drinking conditions. It’s a minor miracle he could function at all by the end, and his social media team went almost full Weekend at Bernie’s for their celebration video, posted minutes after he stumbled through the docks.
Just a real savvy decision not to have Brady have to speak, opting for the silent shrug with the Lombardi Trophy and flashing seven fingers for his seven rings. Playing Eminem’s “Without Me” for this video is a very “white guy who entered the league in 2000” thing to do, but it’s on brand and it confirms that he’s not going anywhere and will look to run it back next year in Tampa. Ending the video with him heaving the Lombardi Trophy is a great touch and it remains borderline upsetting how good Brady’s social media team is.