Unreal Estate Tour: Tom Hicks Is Selling His Absurd Dallas Mansion For $135 Million

Perhaps Tom Hicks is best known for being a shrewd businessman who built his incredible wealth and subsequent empire through hard work and determination, as well as the ability to not give a crap about the little people he may have trampled along the way. However, even if Hicks were declared the Greatest Businessman in the History of Money by a panel including God, Warren Buffett and Bill Gates, we’d all still remember him as that dude who destroyed the Texas Rangers (and Dallas Stars and Liverpool F.C.).

Ironically, as the New York Yankees are rumored to be begging Major League Baseball to void Alex Rodriguez’s massive contract, the man who first gave A-Rod the largest contract in sports history is now trying to sell the most expensive estate and property in the United States. Hicks recently listed his Crespi-Hicks Estate in Dallas on the hush-hush, but when a dude tries to sell his home for a whopping $135 million, people are going to talk about it.

It’s not exactly like you can just pop that f*cker on Craigslist and call it a day. So what the heck comes with a $135 million house anyway?

The Dallas estate sits behind wrought iron gates in the ultra elite Mayflower Estates neighborhood. Spanning 25 acres, the compound boasts roughly 42,500 square feet of living space including a five-story main house, a two-story guest house and a three-story pool house. (Via Forbes)

Wait, they make houses larger than 900 sq. feet? Man, I’m gonna have to ask for a raise.

The Crespi-Hicks Estate, commissioned by Italian Count Pio Crespi, was the last residential creation of architect Maurice Fatio before his death in 1943. When the Hicks purchased the property 16 years ago, they enlisted architect Peter Marino to restore it. The process reportedly took nearly a decade and as much as $100 million.

Haha, it’s like these idiots have never even heard of Ikea!

Among the home’s outrageous amenities are a a library paneled in 19th-century Italian walnut and burl, a main kitchen tiled in 10th-century Dutch Delft manganese tiles, a mirrored art-deco bar room, and an exercise room. The pool house boasts an outdoor living room and kitchen, an indoor catering kitchen, a massive game room, and a home theater spanning an entire floor. The grounds encompass two guest houses, a tennis court, several greenhouses, a tree house, rose and vegetable gardens, and a second hidden driveway entrance onto the property.

Okay, I’m going to be sick. There’s plenty more to read about this estate; however, I’ve read that Forbes article twice and perused through the additional estate information, and I didn’t see one mention of a self-inflating bounce house, a room made of pizza or a friendly talking dragon. What a rip-off.