Tom Morello Thinks The Cubs Suck And Would Like To Play Shortstop

The list of the awesome celebrity fans who are constantly being tortured by the Chicago Cubs grows yet again, as Rage Against the Machine and Audioslave guitarist and equally badass solo artist* Tom Morello recently ran into a TMZ photographer to rap about his beloved team of losers. Morello is what you’d call a more realistic Cubs fan, as he didn’t care about the question at hand – “What do you think about the Cubs and Sammy Sosa?” – as much as he cared about the laundry list of problems that the team seems to face on a yearly basis.

The question, of course, refers to how the Cubs franchise has ignored Sosa in the years since he was one of the many guys at the center of Major League Baseball’s steroid scandal, but that idea is pointless to Morello, who is more concerned with the whole 106 years and counting thing.

“The Cubs got a lot of problems, let me tell ya. We got 99 problems but Sammy Sosa ain’t one. We haven’t had a world championship in 106 years, so we gotta work on that first.”

But what about his outlook for the current season?

“Currently, they have the worst record in professional baseball, so I’d say not so good.”

So who can save this team?

“I think maybe they need a 50-year old shortstop from Los Angeles to come in and sort sh*t up.”

Come on, Tom, you have to have an opinion about Sosa’s banishment.

“Maybe we should bring back Sammy Sosa, maybe more corked bats.”

As long as it leads to more of Sosa’s PR photos, he can be as active within the Cubs organization or MLB as he wants.

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*”The Nightwatchman” is pretty dope. One of the only full albums I keep on the ol’ iPod.