12.27.07 10 years ago 19 Comments

I've said my share of bad things about Tony Parker, like how he's a whiny bitch, and how he's a cowardly Frenchman, and how he probably shaves at night just so he can sport his stupid stubble, and how he's a moron for marrying Eva Longoria past her prime, or how she's probably a beard for his gay lifestyle, et cetera.  But I'd be remiss if I didn't clear his "good" name by pointing out that the recent claims of his infidelity by Alexandra Paressant are completely made up, and that she's just about the craziest bitch you can possibly imagine. 

This story from the HuffPo via WWTDD tells you everything you need to know about how awesome it is to be Tony Parker and not have illicit sex with imaginary supermodels.  There's simply too much to quote it all, but it goes like this:

  1. None of the sexy pictures on Paressant's MySpace page are of her.  Most are of German model Hana Nitsche.
  2. She was previously sued by Brazilian soccer star Ronaldhino, because she is insane and fabricated their entire "relationship."
  3. After finding more holes in her story than in Paris Hilton's rectal lining, reporter Dana Kennedy confronted Paressant, and was met with super-crazy denials and more lies.

In conclusion, the imaginary sex Tony Parker had with some made-up broad is probably the closest he's ever come to touching a vagina.

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