Well hello again, punch friends! In case you weren’t aware, every weekend in September features a UFC event, what fun! UFC Fight Night 51 is live from Brazil, starting at 5:45 PM ET on the venerable Fight Pass network. I can only hope that this broadcast doesn’t run into the same issues as the Invicta FC 8 stream did last week (THIS FIGHT THIS FIGHT THIS FIGHT)
Important Standings Of Note:
Bantamweight – Rani Yahya vs “Brutal” Johnny Bedford
Jessica: I can only hope this fight has a definitive winner and loser, unlike their last contest. Bedford turned into a little bit of a baby about things, so I’m going to be petty and say Yahya submits him in the second.
Burnsy: Great, an all Fight Pass event. That should be a hoot. Anyway, I need to do some catching up here after last month’s awful predictions, so let’s really furrow my simian brow and make these count. Yahya.
Vince: Bedford’s face offends me, I’m not sure why. Yahya.
Welterweight – Paulo Thiago vs Sean “Black Magik” Spencer
Jessica: Poor, poor Paulo Thiago. He used to be a solid-enough gatekeeper, and now he’s probably fighting for his career on the super-undercard. Spencer wins by ancient blood majiks.
Burnsy: I want to pick against Jessica here, but I have to pick the main character of Psych, Sean Spencer.
Vince: I’m picking Thiago solely because I’d like to see him win again.
Lightweight – Francisco “Massaranduba” Trinaldo vs Leandro “Buscape” Silva
Jessica: I always enjoy seeing Trinaldo’s nickname, so I’m picking him to win because I’m a simpleton, and sometimes that’s all it takes with me. Go MASSARANDUB-A-DUB-DUB!
Burnsy: I think Buscape is a more fun nickname to say.
Welterweight – Igor Araujo vs George “The Silencer” Sullivan
Jessica: George Sullivan feels like an Olde Timey boxing name, so I’m going with him to win by third round TKO since Araujo’s corner won’t be allowed to administer any smelling salts.
Burnsy: I’ll take Igor for the hat trick to start his UFC career.
Vince: George The Silencer Sullivan is an incredible name, but I’m taking the guy on a six-fight win streak.
Featherweight – Godofredo “Pepey” Castro vs Dashon “Flyboy” Johnson
Jessica: It’s hard to pick against someone called “Pepey”, so I won’t, and say that Godofredo (The most divine cream-based pasta sauce) wins by third round TKO.
Burnsy: Johnson lost in his UFC debut, and I usually like to pick those guys to bounce back and win in their second fights, especially against a guy like Pepey, who just can’t seem to get his crap together and win consistently.
Vince: Pepey is going to take it to Flyboy. Hehehehe.
Bantamweight – Jessica “Bate Estaca” Andrade vs Larissa Pacheco
Jessica: Both fighters are very good, and normally I’d pick a fellow Jessica, but I’ve been impressed by some of Pacheco’s fights on the regional circuits. Larissa wins by decision via explaining it all.
Burnsy: My problem with there being so many female fighters right now is that I can never remember which are my favorites from previous fights. I know Andrade has won her last two, and I think I remember raving about her last time, so I’m going with her based on that.
Vince: I’ve never seen Pacheco fight, but she’s coming in undefeated with a huge advantage and I don’t remember being that impressed by Andrade. Pacheco.
Bantamweight – Iuri “Marajo” Alcantara vs Russell Doane
Jessica: Iuri is a pretty good “Marajouana” fighter, which is what I thought the Diaz boys were. Alcantara abracadabras his way to a submission magician victory in the second.
Burnsy: Oh, this could be a good one, y’all. Doane has won his first two fights in the UFC in impressive fashion, while Marajo had that nasty first round KO against Vaughan Lee back in May. I’m taking Doane for the sake of three-fight winning streak.
Vince: Alcantara has faced way tougher competition than Doane – wins over Trinaldo, Ricardo Lamas… I’m taking Alcantara.
Welterweight – Santiago “Gente Boa” Ponzinbbio vs Wendell “War Machine” Oliveira
Jessica: Yeah, no chance I’m picking a dude called War Machine for at least a few years, I don’t care that this dude has probably never heard of Koppenhaver. Ponzibbio by second round TKO.
Burnsy: I don’t even have a clue how to pronounce Santiago’s last name, but I’m going to pick War Machine for a different reason. Remember that episode of Friends, when Monica’s mom was crapping all over her cooking style and accusing her of pulling a “Monica,” only she flipped the script and made that a good thing? That’s what my boy War Machine is going to do here. He’s going to take the nickname away from that woman-beating asshole that dominated the news cycle, and he’s going to make it clean.
Vince: Tough one, since the only guy either of these dudes has fought that I’ve heard of is Ryan Laflare, who beat Ponzinibbio by decision. I guess I’ll take Oliveira, since he’s coming off a seven-fight win streak and last fought in May, whereas Ponzinibbio is coming off a loss over a year ago.
Lightweight – Leonardo Santos vs Efrain “Hecho En Mexico” Escudero
Jessica: I’ve never taken a shine to Escudero, he always seemed to be just sort of there. Santos takes this by third round submission.
Burnsy: I love the nickname Hecho en Mexico, so I’m picking that. It’s all science here, friends.
Vince: Hmm, so Escudero earned his ticket back to the UFC with a loss to Dakota Cochrane and a win over Juha-Pekka Vainikainen? That’s… interesting. And he’s fighting a dude from Nova Uniao? I’ll be rooting for Escudero, but my brain says Santos.
Lightweight – Gleison Tibau vs Piotr “Pletwal” Hallmann
Jessica: Piotr is in a tough spot because not only is he fighting a guy I kinda like in Glacier Tebow, but he just beat a guy I super like in Yves Edwards. That means he’s made my sh*t-list, and I’m good at holding stupid, irrational grudges for way too long. Tibau is going to use his secret skill of “be bigger than the other guy” and wrestle his way to a decision.
Burnsy: I always feel like Tibau is going to win easily, and then he farts in my general direction. I’m never going to learn my lesson, because I’m picking him here.
Vince: Tibau has had some big wins lately, against Healy and Varner, and I always pick against him because I hate him. Fine, I’ve learned my lesson. I could see Hallman winning a decision when Gleison starts to slow down, but Tibau seems to have more ways to win this fight. Tibau.
Heavyweight – Andrei “Pitbull” Arlovski vs Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva
Jessica: Silva is the second only to Vitor Belfort in terms of fighters I want to see how they look off TRT. I expect he’ll just be a giant head tottering around on a weird stick body. Arlovski should be able to box well enough to not die and in fact, net a late fourth round KO of his own. Honestly, this pick is fueled at least 75% by Andrei’s dog, Maximus.
Burnsy: I want Arlovski to win, but I’m picking with my gut and taking Silva.
Vince: I hold out hope that Arlovski can use his speed advantage and boxing to win this fight, but with his chin, picking him is just way too risky.