Fight fans, we’ve got another early card. UFC Fight Night 64 is coming to us from Poland, starting at 11:45 AM ET on Fight Pass. There are a lot of fighters making UFC debuts, so the insight might be a little lacking, though our predictions will main charming, hilarious, and accurate.
Important Standings of Note:
Jessica: 356-226-4 (61%)
Burnsy: 361-220-5 (62%)
Vince: 189-115-2 (62%)
Ryan: 8-2-1 (77%)
Danny: 161-77-1 (67%)
Spilled: 76-56-2 (57%)
Sydnie: 16-12 (57%)
Chris: 35-11 (76%)
NY Ric: 36-26-1 (57%)
Ghost: 6-7 (46%)
Seth: 32-15 (68%)
Biss: 41-39-1 (51%)
Jared: 15-7 (68%)
Featherweight – Taylor “Double Impact” Lapilus vs Rocky Lee
Jessica: Lapilus hasn’t really beaten anyone with a winning record, and his sole loss is to a flyweight. Lee doesn’t have much experience, but he’s beaten one guy that seems halfway decent. Plus, he’s bigger than Taylor, so I guess that’s good enough for me. I’ll take Lee to win a decision here.
Burnsy: I will always pick a guy named after my favorite Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. Lapilus it is.
Lightweight – Marcin “Bomba” Bandel vs Stevie “Braveheart” Ray
Jessica: Both guys are solid submission dudes, but Stevie Ray has lost by submission a lot, too. I’m taking Bandel to rebound from his UFC debut loss and submit Ray in the second.
Burnsy: I don’t want to do a whole movie thing here with nicknames, but I’m picking Bandel, because of The Last Boy Scout, when Kim Coates punches Bruce Willis and shouts, “BAMBA BABY!” I love that f*cking scene.
Strawweight – Izabela Badurek vs Alexandra “Stitch” Albu
Jessica: I’m a little concerned here. Both fighters have only ever beaten fighters that have never won a fight. This also appears to be the strawweight debuts for both women, with Albu competing at bantamweight, and even tentatively scheduled to fight Julie Kedzie a few years ago, while Badurek has had most of her fights at featherweight. I’m going to give the edge to Badurek based on experience and say she submits Albu in the first round.
Burnsy: I have no clue what to think of this fight, so I’ll take Albu as a contrary selection.
Heavyweight – Daniel Omielanczuk vs Anthony “Freight Train” Hamilton
Jessica: Omielanczuk is a decent grappler, but I think Hamilton’s going to be too strong. Freight Train is going to run over Danny O and knock him out by the second. CHOO CHOO!
Burnsy: I’ll go with Omielanczuk thanks to Freight Train’s derailing in his last fight. That was awful. Omielanczuk has gone three in his first two UFC fights, which doesn’t mean much, but the guy has some fuel and late KO power.
Featherweight – Damian “Webster” Stasiak vs Yaotzin Meza
Jessica: Meza has more UFC experience, but it’s mostly on the losing end. I’ll take Webster to snag a submission in the third.
Burnsy: A series of coin flips so far. I’ll give Meza the benefit of the doubt.
Welterweight – Sergio “The Panther” Moraes vs Mickael “Ragnar” Lebout
Jessica: While I do like the idea behind a guy named Mike The Fight, I’m leaning towards Moraes here. Lebout has some decent wins, but they don’t really compare to Moraes beating NEIL MAGNY. I’m going to say Moraes wins a decision in this one.
Burnsy: I’m picking Moraes because he defeated Neil Magny, but with all due respect to the suddenly unstoppable Magny, that was in 2013, before Magny won five fights in 2014. I will sing Magny’s praises any chance I get now.
Middleweight – Bartosz “The Butcher” Fabinski vs Garreth “Soldierboy” McLellan
Jessica: All things being equal, and they kind of are, with both guys having similar records against similar competition, I’m going all in on McLellan’s beard game. That’s just too fearsome to bet against. McLellan taps Fabinski in the first round.
Burnsy: I’m taking The Butcher because that’s a solid nickname. He should come to the octagon in a bloody apron, though.
Welterweight – Seth “Polish Pistola” Baczynski vs Leon “Rocky” Edwards
Jessica: Seth might be 5-5 in the UFC, but he’s had some stiff competition. Also, it’s a law that only one person named Rocky is allowed to win on a given card, so it’s just not Leon’s night. Baczynski takes a decision against Edwards.
Burnsy: I always pick Seth, even if he’s not a sure thing. He’s scrappy and gritty, like the St. Louis Cardinals of the UFC. Except, without the championships. No offense, Seth.
Strawweight – Joanne “Jojo” Calderwood vs Maryna “Iron Lady” Moroz
Jessica: Part of me thinks that Moroz, who seems to have competed at flyweight a lot, is going to have an edge in size and grappling over Calderwood. On the flip side, Moroz has fought a lot in China, and TUF China didn’t feature much in the way of solid competitors, so I can’t imagine that she’s faced great competition, regardless of her opponents’ records. Calderwood is a scary Muay Thai machine, and if she can keep the fight standing, I’m going Jojo all the way. Joanne gets a second round knockout.
Burnsy: I’ll give Jojo the benefit of the doubt with her UFC experience, even if it’s not that much more than Moroz.
Welterweight – Pawel “Plastinho” Pawlak vs Sheldon Westcott
Jessica: Both guys are looking to get their first UFC win, and I think Pawlak gets it. Westcott’s terrible 29% defense rate and 7.5 strikes absorbed per minute stats according to the UFC doesn’t sound good, especially against Pawlak, who wins 70% of his fights by knockout. Bad defense plus heavy punches usually equals knocked the frog out. Pawlak wins with a third round TKO.
Burnsy: Both guys lost in their UFC debuts, but Pawlak went three and Westcott was finished in two. Also, I just can’t pick against Pawlak in Poland. Seems wrong.
Light Heavyweight – Jimi “Poster Boy” Manuwa vs “Książę Cieszyński” Jan Blachowicz
Jessica: Pro tip – Blachowicz’s nickname means “Prince of Cieszyn”. That won’t help him here, since I think Manuwa’s striking is waaaaay too good. It also helps that Jimi has only ever lost to Gustafsson, while Blachowicz once got too tired against Sokoudjou. Manuwa wins with a second round KO.
Burnsy: I like the potential of this fight. Jan had a hell of a debut with a first round TKO against Ilir Latifi back in October, while Manuwa was on a hot streak before he ran into a certain badass named Alexander Gustafsson a year ago. I’m hoping these two will beat the hell out of each other in the nicest way possible, but I’m giving Manuwa the nod for experience.
Heavyweight – Gabriel “Napao” Gonzaga vs Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic
Jessica: I’m completely torn on this. Gonzaga has lost a few recently and Cro Cop has won a few recently, but their original fight keeps replaying in my brain. To balance the cosmos, Mirko should submit Gabe, but I don’t see that happening at all. I’ll say that Gonzaga manages to punch and kick his way to a third round TKO here.
Burnsy: I still can’t believe this is a fight that is happening in 2015. But when you book an event in Poland, you gotta give the people their star. I’ll take Cro Cop to get his old man revenge.
Performance of the Night
Jessica: Calderwood, Badurek
Burnsy: Manuwa, Pawlak
Fight of the Night
Jessica: Baczynski vs Edwards
Burnsy: Manuwa vs Blachowicz