12.14.07 10 years ago 21 Comments

This photo is of Chelsea's Frank Lampard (with fiancee Elen Rives) on the way to the team's Christmas party.  And if you're thinking, "What the fuck is Frank Lampard wearing?" the answer is, "I don't know."  But if you happen to be more specific by wondering, "Is Frank Lampard wearing white fishnets?" then the answer is, "Why yes.  Yes, he is."

Apparently it's a big thing for English soccer clubs is to have a team Christmas party, which I guess is only strange to me because I've never heard of one happening in American pro sports.  (Those wacky Brits, always driving on the left and calling elevators "lifts.")  In a related story, Manchester United's Christmas party is going to be approximately 700,000 times better than Chelsea's.

Their holiday party next week is looking rather scandalicious.  For a start, wives and girlfriends are strictly not invited. Nor is [manager] Sir Alex Ferguson. Each player has put £4,000 in to the kitty, and once they’ve reached a reasonable level of dosh [dosh??? – Ed.], Rio Ferdinand will be taking over the organization of events, which includes hiring a hottie-selector, whose sole existence on the payroll will be to source and choose a wide range of skanks, skeezoids and skeezy skanks for the night.

Mobile phones will be banned.  A team of eight burly security men will be brought in specifically to maintain the very important mobile phone rule.

Man, nothing warms my heart with the spirit of Christmas than leaving the girlfriend at home, getting wasted, and balling random sluts all night. "Bye honey!" "Where you going?" "Uhhh… Christmas shopping!  At the brothel.  Don't wait up!"

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