06.11.08 10 years ago 17 Comments

49ers tight end Vernon Davis is reportedly dating this charming young lady, known to reality TV experts as "Black" from Flavor of Love 3 on VH1.  Nothing like pretending to be interested in a mentally imbalanced sellout with brain damage to raise your profile high enough to gain the attention of a millionaire pro athlete.  Although I imagine she had other assets that helped gain Vernon's attention.

Black's real name is apparently Candace, and if it's okay with everyone, I'm gonna call her that.  Calling her "Black" makes me feel uncomfortable.  Otherwise, I might one day try to compliment Vernon's outfit and be all, "Hey man, you look good in black."  And then my spine would be compressed.

Anyway, Sportaphile was nice enough to compile several photos of Candace, and I opted for this beach-y pose over the one of her chained up on a roof.  As we all know, it's wrong to chain women up on the roof.  The fresh air makes it too easy for them to call for help.  And anyway, this photo is more flattering.  But then, I'm always biased towards women who aren't wearing a top.

And would you look at that?  Some raccoon or other small mammal tracked muddy paw prints up her leg.  Someone should really lick those off for her.  And by someone I mean Vernon Davis.  I like my spine the way it is.

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