Vintage Promos: If You Move, Thunderbolt Patterson Will … Something

Pro Wrestling Editor
06.19.13 7 Comments

Thunderbolt Patterson

Vintage Promos is a series looking back at the best, worst and most memorable pro wrestling interviews of all time. It previously appeared on AOL FanHouse.

In the last installment of Vintage Promos, you met The Antichrist, a Mexican pro wrestler who had trouble explaining who he is (and how much he hates God) because of a language barrier. I’m, uh, assuming. You get the impression that he knows what words mean, he just can’t string them together effectively.

This week, you’ll meet a guy with the same problem, minus the language barrier.

Claude “Thunderbolt” Patterson had a 30-year career, held numerous tag team championships across the country and is secretly one of the most important folks in pro graps history.

You see, he was once tag team partners with a guy named Ole Anderson. They were great. They held the NWA National Tag Team Championships. But eventually a young guy by the name of Arn Anderson showed up, and Arn was so good (and kayfabe related to Ole) that it drove a wedge between the partners. Ole recognized greatness. He realized he’d been carrying guys like Thunderbolt, and it was time to do something better with his life. That led to Ole and Arn teaming up to jump “Raging Bull” Manny Fernandez, which was the genesis of the Four Horsemen, the group that defined a generation of heels and changed the way fans thought about wrestling stables.

The Horsemen thrived. Thunderbolt fell into obscurity. But LO, almost a decade later Claude Patterson reemerged as an enforcer, ready to curb the rough antics of Ole Anderson should they happen. It would be very easy for a guy to say “Ole, you wronged me in the past, but I know you better than anyone. If you try anything funny, I’m going to kick your ass.” This is what Thunderbolt Patterson said.

Well, sort of.

This is what came out: IF YOU MOVE! That’s it.

Out of context, it’s even more wonderful. Patterson appears to be having a stroke as he threatens Ole, warning Anderson that if he moves, Thunderbolt will … do something. Because he’s full! He’s full up to his nostrils! And … yeah, this could be the best available example of Ole Anderson’s solid decision-making skills.

As a bonus, you get to hear Stan Hansen briefly discuss his cowbell, which is a thousand times better than telling somebody to stand still or you’ll sniff them, or whatever Patterson was going for. IF YOU MOVE.


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