Warning: Watching ‘Drive’ Might Make You Huck Wieners At Celebrities

10.13.11 3 Comments

You guys. Holy crap. Just read this:

Brandon Kelly of Petaluma told the Santa Rosa Press Democrat on Tuesday that he’s a fan of Woods and got the idea after watching “Drive” — a recently released movie starring Ryan Gosling as a stunt driver who moonlights as a getaway driver.

“I threw the hot dog toward Tiger Woods because I was inspired by the movie ‘Drive,'” Kelly said. “As soon as the movie ended, I thought to myself, ‘I have to do something courageous and epic. I have to throw a hot dog on the green in front of Tiger.'”

Jesus Backflipping Christ. That quote might be the most delightful three consecutive sentences in the English language. I’ve read it 100 times, and it keeps getting better. I’m not exaggerating when I say that his journey from “Drive is awesome” to “I must do something courageous and epic” to “I’m going to chunk a hot dog at Tiger Woods” is easily the most important philosophical quandary of our time. I must know more about this hero. AT ONCE. I propose two options:

1) A “30 for 30” documentary about the incident, complete with a frame-by-frame analysis of the throw and interviews with all the relevant parties.

2) A Frost/Nixon style series of interviews where I sit down with Mr. Kelly and pick at his brain with hard-hitting questions like “Let’s say, hypothetically, that you hadn’t been able to get your hands on a hot dog… what then? Pretzel? Nachos? The people have a right to know.”

My point is this: this man’s story must be told.

(video and picture via the handsome and talented Vince Mancini)

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