08.14.09 9 years ago 6 Comments

Every Friday, we pick the winners to sporting events from around the globe. We call it WEEKEND PICKS for some reason. Home teams are in ALL CAPS, and you can play along here.

JETS -3 over Rams. I just realized that we covered zero of the four preseason games that were played last night. Was it a callous oversight or tremendous subliminal commentary on the quality of exhibition football? Yes.

Sun at MYSTICS, under 154. I swear that oddsmakers just take the average offensive outputs of whatever two teams are playing for their totals betting. Well, Connecticut won last night, scoring like 10 points less than their average, but Washington lost on Tuesday, scoring exactly their average. Whatever. Under. We always go under.

Nationals + 1.5 over REDS. Aaron Harang pitches for the Reds tonight; he’s almost a lock to go seven innings. But before winning his last start, he gave up 4, 7, 4, 4 and 5 runs in previous starts. Garrett Mock has been slightly less horrendous for DC, so I’m also going over 9.

Lions over ARGONAUTS, over 46.5. Three words: Regular season football.

Tomorrow: Chelsea -2 at HULL CITY AFC. I hate laying 2 here, but Chelsea are good enough to make me throw caution (and, apparently, cash) to the wind.

DC UNITED +240 over Toronto. Hey, Landon Donovan got the H1N1 virus. Who would have known there were so many diseases in Mexican pee?

Carano +160 over Santos. It’s the fight of the century. A very sexy century. Honestly, I really don’t know what to expect here; I just hope it goes the distance and I can complain about Gina getting jobbed by the judges.

SUNDAY: Tiger Woods over FIELD. Tiger wins a major! The slump is over! Whatever.

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