NFL FACIST UNIFORM CODE over Pink Stuff. “Breast cancer awareness?” Are there people out there under bridges still unaware of breast cancer? Have all the diseases afflicting men been cured while I was harassing the mail carrier? Whatever, dude.
Tonight. Eskimos -4 over BLUE BOMBERS. Edmonton QB Ricky Ray is an easy player to like. He’s like the Canadian Tim Tebow, but without all the annoying religious eyeblack.
LOUISVILLE +7 over Pittsburgh. Tony Pike for Heisman! What’s that? He’s not playing in this game? I don’t care! Same conference!
Saturday. MARYLAND +13 over Clemson. Just your garden-variety ACC snoozefest. This is the kind of game that you’d watch on the couch right before you’d fall asleep.
Michigan +3 over MICHIGAN STATE. Can’t believe the Wolverines are getting points here. Forcier’s arm could be dangling out of his hip pocket and there’s still no way in Hell I’d pick Michigan State.
LSU +3.5 over GEORGIA. I hate Georgia this year. Okay, I hate Georgia every year, but I really don’t think much of their team right now.
Washington +13 over NOTRE DAME. Hey, did you know that Charlie Weis is fat?
Ohio State -19 over INDIANA. Look for Jim Tressel to run up the score here…all the way to 28, even.
Washington State +35 over OREGON. Just so I have something to watch when I get home from the bar tomorrow night.
Sunday. Raiders +9 over TEXANS. I’m still not convinced that Gary Kubiak has turned the corner in Houston.
Bengals -6.5 over BROWNS. Enjoy going 1-15 this year, Cleveland. Oh, by the way, I’m being optimistic.
Bills at DOLPHINS, under 37. It’s the lowest total of the day, and it’s still not low enough.
BRONCOS +3 over Cowboys. This is really a hedge. Either I win my bet or I get to finally see Josh McDainels lose.