What Exactly Were You Expecting From A Steven Tyler National Anthem, America

Pro Wrestling Editor
01.23.12 6 Comments

Aerosmith frontman and American Idol judge Steven Tyler performed his version of the national anthem before Sunday’s AFC Championship between the New England Patriots and Baltimore Ravens, and most of Monday’s Internet has been about how terrible it was. The L.A. Times has a post up called Steven Tyler’s national anthem: Worst ever? [Poll], comparing it to similarly-awful versions by Roseanne Barr, Carl Lewis, Christina Aguilera and, worst of all, Scott Stapp. What could Tyler have possibly done in this lifetime to be compared to Scott Stapp? That’s like being told you’ve got 24 hours to live.

To recap, Steven Tyler:

1. is 63-years old.

2. is dressed like a lady hobo.

3. has more or less sung exactly the same song since he decided he wanted his voice to sound like a descending hawk circa 1975’s Toys In The Attic and has topped the popular music charts with at least 100 #1 singles in said voice since said album.

So, to reiterate … what exactly were you expecting from a Steven Tyler national anthem, America? He’s Steven Tyler. He sings like that. He is an old lady hobo. Did you expect him to bust out a Josh Groban-ass Ave Maria? I’m surprised we got through it without him going WHACK-ACK-OW, WHACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-OWWW and a pelvic mic stand thrust.

Video of the performance is below. Compare and contrast it to any Aerosmith video on YouTube, especially the ones with teenage Alicia Silverstone and/or Liv Tyler in leather pants.

I’d like to see Lana Del Ray have throat surgery and try to belt out the Star-Spangled Banner that well live. Hell, I’d just like to see Lana Del Ray have throat surgery.

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