When Patriotism Goes Wrong: The Best Of Fireworks Fails

Senior Writer

Happy Independence Day, With Leatherites! While I’m sure we could all talk about how Real Madrid offered to make Rudy Fernandez the highest paid player in Spain for the next six season and how that should have the NBA owners crapping in their pants, or how Kobe Bryant wants to take a group of elite NBA players on tour in China (and probably never return), or we could even talk about how the NFL players were offered a 50-50 revenue split with no money off the top but they’re still not happy because they don’t want to pay into their own retirement funds, we won’t. At least not today.
Because today is about some dudes who signed a piece of paper to give us the right to enjoy a three-day weekend each July by getting totally sh*t-hammered and making asses out of ourselves in the name of the good, old U.S. of A. And our founding fathers also gave us the right to purchase Chinese fireworks – often illegally – and put our lives in jeopardy with them. So I took a few seconds to scour YouTube for some of the better fireworks fails and I realized that thousands of people out there have no clue what “fail” means. And even more people think that poorly staged fireworks nut shots should be on Tosh.0.
Regardless, I put together this little collection for your enjoyment, and I’m sure that I left out some good videos because daddy is feeling ouchies from 3rd of July boozery, so feel free to remind me and I’ll add them in. Otherwise, have a safe and happy one and try not to burn off your eyebrows. Unless you’re Pete Sampras.

(OK, that’s obviously not a fireworks mishap but I’ve watched it about 600,000 times since Game 7 and that’s what makes America wonderful.)

This isn’t so much a fail as it is future courtroom evidence.

Yes, that is a fireworks factory exploding.

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