White Sox Fans Be Bangin’ In Restroom

04.09.10 9 years ago 6 Comments

Now, who wouldn’t find a romantic locale like this sexually invigorating? Indeed, few could resist the intoxicating smells, sounds and sights of the typical men’s bathroom at a ballpark without feeling the need to kneel down in the filth and get it on.

Ahem. (Getting into Rod Serling mode) “Suspended in time and space for a moment, your introduction to Dr. Paul Nemeth, who lives in a very private world of prudishness, a depraved universe whose dimensions are the size, smells, and a length of a swath of wet toilet paper that litters the floor of the restroom of U.S. Cellular Field. In a moment we’ll go back into this bathroom stall, and also in a moment we’ll kick in that door, keeping in mind, of course, that we’re not to be surprised by what we see, because this isn’t just a men’s room, and this man is not alone, but with his six-year-old son. This happens to be the Coitus Zone, and Dr. Paul Nemeth, with you, is about to enter it.”

Spooky. Anyhoo, Dr. Nemeth had the grand idea to take his six-year-old son to his first White Sox game on Opening Day against the Cleveland Indians. Things were going swimmingly, that is, until the good doctor had to take junior to the restroom. Upon entry, he was shocked to discover that two amorous patrons knocking boots in a stall.

On Monday, Nemeth’s son had to go, and his father took him to the nearest restroom. They stood in line for the first urinal next to a row of stalls. As they waited, Nemeth said, he noticed noises coming from the last stall. A man’s legs — clad in blue jeans and sneakers — were sticking out from under the stall door.

“The toes were pointing up,” said Nemeth. “The legs were shaking and quivering. From a visual standpoint, all you had to see was the legs quivering to know something was going on.”

As a trained physician, he had an idea what was happening in there, but he worried it might have been something else.

“It was bizarre. It caught the attention of a lot of people. I tried to turn my boy’s attention away from it, then I thought, ‘Is someone having a seizure?’

“So I kicked the door, just to get a reaction. I just wanted to make sure nobody was dying in there. That’s when I heard a woman’s voice yell, ‘HEY, STOP!’ Something was going on and I had interrupted.” -Chicago Tribune (via Walkoff Walk).

Classic. And even more comical than the story itself? Here’s the headline of the Chicago Tribune‘s story on the shocking events: “Sexual hijinks in Sox Park bathroom taint Opening Day”.

Heh. Taint.

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