With Leather’s Watch This: Wrasslin’, Son

I plan on being in a pile of vegetative worthless flesh on my couch by the time any of tonight’s sports action begins, but there’s plenty of good stuff on tonight so you won’t have to watch Big Bang Theory reruns. I’ll be focused on the St. Louis Cardinals game, as the classiest and most intelligent baseball franchise will be attempting to gain another game on the Milwaukee Brewers, who are scaring the ever-loving pee out of me right now.

WWE Monday Night Raw – 8 PM ET on USA

I’m leading off with the WWE Raw action for two reasons – 1) Because everyone should join Brandon for his world famous live discussion tonight, in order to point out anyone with a “Burnsy Loves Tacos” sign on Raw, and 2) Because I just saw this awesome picture that CM Punk recently Tweeted.

So cool. It’s like when ballplayers post old minor league pics. This photo of Randy Orton, on the other hand, is terrifying.

Did You Know: Randy Orton is starring in the sequel to John Cena’s 12 Rounds. Yep, that movie got a sequel.

Monday Night Football: Green Bay Packers at Seattle Seahawks – 8:30 PM ET on ESPN

I know a lot of people want us to lay off the NFL’s replacement refs, because they’re just average dudes doing their job, but this sh*t is already out of hand. If these guys cost any more teams a win, we’re going to find ourselves in a Last Boy Scout moment, with a player gunning an official down on the field. And if they’re going to cost teams victories, can they just focus their idiocy on Dolphins games, so Miami can get a Top 3 pick to blow next year.

As for tonight’s game, Packers by 3.

MLB: Oakland Athletics at Texas Rangers – 8:05 PM ET on FOX Sports (regional)

I hope the Rangers start resting players so the A’s can win and hold off the Angels so Albert Pujols doesn’t make the postseason and suddenly shows up to Cardinals games with an “I’m sowwy” frown.

Classic Bowling 2009: PBA King of Bowling – 11 PM ET on ESPN Classic

Finally, something to watch while you feel up your sister.