‘You Are An Idiot When It Comes To Jay Cutler, And I Am Not’

01.24.11 7 years ago 27 Comments

Please welcome Chester Wright to the site, for the first and possibly the last time. Chester has written for many other outlets in the past, and he’s really smart. If you don’t believe me, just ask him.

I would like to begin by telling you how stupid you are. Yes, you, with your jumping to conclusions about the great Jay Cutler, who so valiantly tried to lead the Bears to Super Bowl glory! You thought that Jay Cutler just sat out of a conference title game because he could not take the pressure? And what, dear hard-working person, would you know about pressure? Did you spend your formative years in the Cambodian militia? I THOUGHT NOT. Point, Chester!

You probably thought you were “calling a spade a spade” as my grandfather from the old country would have put it. Mr. Cutler sat out the second half of his game due to legitimate injury! Legitimate, I say! What do you naysayers know about the stability of knee joints? Certainly less than the handful of Mr. Cutler’s bretheren, whose myriad of knee injuries surely don’t compare to that nobody can seem to find the injury on replay! You’d be too stupid to realize that the injury was actually occuring! Are you a doctor? NO YOU ARE NOT. Mr. Cutler is not required to discharge his duties with “sparkle” or “verve,” or even any putrid speckle of “exuberance.” Do not consider yourself worthy of Mr. Cutler’s exuberance. That is his to dispense as he wishes.

YOU FOOLS! You just took to the Twitters like the knee-jerk idiots that you are! But not me! I waited until more information became available, and then pounced like the classical golden tabby tigers of Mysore Pradesh! Such beautiful animals, they were, not that you would know, peasant scum. Torn MCL, see! Coach Smith said so, and why would he misconstrue the truth when his mismanagement of game’s end made for such a tidy alibi? Nobody could have played with that sort of ligament damage! It’s only good for standing on while pouting on the sideline, but nothing more! Did you know that? No! Point, Chester!

How stupid you were to think that Jay Culter simply lacked fortitude. Next time you feel foolish enough to judge something with your own eyes, any information available online, and the broadcast crew performing their craft to the utmost of their abilities, think twice! It still won’t be as productive as me, Chester Wright, thinking once. That’s just my cross to bear.

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