You Can Win Pretty Much Anything With A Half-Court Shot

Pro Wrestling Editor

Nothing is sacred these days. Banks lie to and manipulate you, you’re statistically more likely to get divorced than stay happily married, and a national tragedy can’t bring us together because we’re too busy farting out accusations and conspiracy theory hashtags. We’re terrible, and we can’t have anything nice.

The only thing that seems to have weathered the storm of our culture is half-court shots. Half-court shots are wonderful and can win you things like money or cars or jersey numbers. They are the great unifier.

Two examples:

This is Los Angeles Clippers fan Kevin Liao sinking a half-court shot at Tuesday’s LA/Portland game to win a 2013 Dodge Dart. He doesn’t get tackled by anybody — the new standard practice in excited NBA between-quarters shot sinkage — but … well, he gets a car, so f**k it, who cares about being tackled?

His confidence is wonderful. Watch him when he drains the shot. He ain’t even care. He KNEW that shit was going in.

Example two is a little more complex:

Matt Hasselbeck wants #8 back from Chander Harnish, so he came up with a challenge. If Chandler made a half court shot, Matt would trade him a donation to a charity of Chandler’s choice in exchange for the #8.

The results, however, are the same. Half-court shots are not made without consequence.

So the next time you’re upset at someone or caught in the middle of a dispute, start shooting half-court shots to solve your problems. Even if you lose, you’ll still be SUPER EXCITED about it.

[shots via Yardbarker]

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