Will ‘Blackberry Neck’ Make Us Prematurely Look All Disgusting And Withered?


So what’s the latest horrifying way experts say modern technology is destroying our lives? Why it’s “Blackberry neck,” a condition in which our necks wrinkle prematurely from looking down at texts and emails on our mobile devices. Yeah.

It’s not a condition caused by drinking too many smoothies – it’s the formation of neck creases that may be (repeat, may be) formed by repeatedly looking down, again and again to send text messages and emails on your favorite cell phone or texting device.

Gee, prior generations are so lucky to have never had the amazing technology available to us living today, for they never had to look down at anything, thus they never had to worry about looking like a withered piece of fruit before even hitting middle age. Wait, what’s that you say — what about when they read books and newspapers and magazines? C’mon, silly, everyone knows the olds held those sort of things high above their heads so they’d never have to look down because they knew better. They didn’t even have to look down to pee when they went to a urinal, because they didn’t have to dig through layers upon layers of blubber to find their flaccid penises. Oh how times have changed!

But fear not, Turkey Neck Tom, for with every manufactured crisis comes an equally manufactured solution. This is called capitalism, and it’s still alive and well in America, after all. Enter the Paul Labrecque Salon & Spa in midtown Manhattan, which is coming to the rescue of all you crease-y faced technology slaves out there by offering the “Blackberry Facial,” a $200 a pop treatment they claim can help eliminate the dreaded cosmetic effects of Blackberry Neck.

The Blackberry Facial, which is offered at the Paul Labrecque Salon & Spa in midtown Manhattan isn’t really a facial at all. It’s a neck treatment that promises to reduce lines formed by too much social networking.

Joanna Czech, the aesthetician who dreamed up the $200 treatment, said the treatment was acceptable for “anyone who wanted a fresher looking neck.”

The 45 minute exfoliation treatment was intense: A neck cleansing, a peel with sapphire stones, another peel, a hydrating serum and then some lymphatic drainage. The treatment ended with 20 minutes of LED light and microcurrents, topped off with an oxygen mask.

At the end of my treatment, the one faint line on my neck did seem a bit fainter. But what I did notice was the smoothness. My neck had a texture of a flower petal. My husband reluctantly agreed after I made him touch it a few times.

Czech, who had a pretty nice neck herself, recommended four or five treatments for women who really want to see a change.

One question I have in all of this is why aren’t the Blackberry Neck profiteers doing more to create an iPhone Neck hysteria. They’re missing out on a huge potential marketplace! Hell, Blackberrys may not even exist anymore in a couple of years.

Regardless, maybe this can help Nora Ephron finally not feel so bad about her neck? If not, maybe a cat playing a shell game can cheer her up?

(Via Pat’s Papers)

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