The Young Pope Popedown is a list of the five craziest and/or most notable things that happened in each episode of HBO’s The Young Pope, ranked from least to most crazy and/or notable. Like a countdown, but with popes.
5. POPE ON THE RUN
A few notes about excursions and hoodies, stemming from Lenny and Andrew’s brief escape from the grounds in this episode:
– The point of their little freedom escapade, if I understand it, was two-fold: One, to briefly show a lighter side of Lenny; two, to lead into the flashback scene of their similar escape as children, during which Lenny went hunting for his real hippie parents and may or may not have performed the “miracle” that Sister Mary has referenced a few times. And while we’re on the subject of miracles, if my reading of the very subtle symbolism is correct, the blooming flower and suddenly obedient kangaroo are signs that his prayer worked and Esther got pregnant? Maybe?
– I love that Lenny has two looks and two looks only. He’s either dressed to the nines in flowing papal robes or he’s bumming around in an all-white tracksuit. I legit want this hoodie, even if white stains very easily. Do… do you think the Pope ever blesses the water he does laundry in? Worth a shot for getting out wine stains.
– When they went to inform Sister Mary about Lenny’s disappearance, she answered the door in her “I’m a virgin, but this is an old shirt” shirt again. Is this her nightgown? Now I have many questions.
– The weirdest part of their trip, hippie visions excluded, had to be their brief encounter with the mysterious lady at the bar. I’m not entirely sure what her deal was. She seemed like either a prostitute or a spy. Whatever she was, she now has a picture of Lenny in her phone, which seems like the sort of thing that might come up later, what with his big speech the other week about secrecy and destroying all photos of him. Something to keep an eye on.
– It would have been hilarious if this whole episode was him running around Rome, eating gelato and riding roller coasters and stuff, with the Swiss Guard chasing after him in fast-forward like the show just up and became Benny Hill.
4. Voiello had a bad day
Hoo boy, what a rough episode for Voiello. First, his blackmail scheme went awry when Esther’s attempted seduction — Step 1: A breathy, sexy Hail Mary delivered to the Pope in the garden; Step 2: Grab the Pope’s hand and place it on her boob — was met with a surprisingly on-point monologue about love and the priesthood and his incapacity to be what she wants, and all of it moved Voiello to the point that he abandoned his plan and confessed it to Sister Mary. (While kind of hitting on her?) Then, Lenny revealed to him that he also knew about the plan, as well as the one involving Gutierrez (and the existence of Gutierrez other, non-alcohol-related secret, which I’m going to assume involves the huge stuffed animal collection, because that was weird), and just wore him out about it all until he started to break down.
And last but certainly, certainly not least, in a moment we’ll be discussing more in a bit, Lenny more or less forced him to kiss his foot in front of the other cardinals, embarrassing him in a way a man like him is not often embarrassed, and yes, I do mean “force” in two ways, one involving perceived pressure and one involving actual pressure placed on his head by Lenny’s other foot. You’d almost feel bad for the guy if he wasn’t so creepy about everything. And not all that great at spying, if this screencap is any indication. No wonder he got caught. He’s like 20 feet away and standing next to a dude with a huge telephoto lens.
Oh, also, I’m fairly certain they used the same fake mole throughout the series and this is just something I’m seeing because of his diminished status and sad drooping face, but… is his mole looking worse? I think the edges of it are getting a little sketchy. And it looks like it might getting bigger. The next episode should feature an extended scene of him at the dermatologist.
3. Nuns love sports
One of my favorite running themes of this show is that the nuns in the Vatican love sports. We’ve seen Diane Keaton playing basketball…
… and a bunch of them playing soccer, like, staggeringly well…
… and then in episode five they were doing… whatever this is.
The best part is that there’s been no explanation for it. At all. Two people will just be talking about secrets, or groping each other, or staring at a kangaroo, and BLAMMO nuns playing sports. I hope they play a different sport each week. I want to see one of them pole vaulting in the background in the finale.
2. The Pope has a fancy new hat
The thing to remember about The Young Pope is that it is always The Young Pope first and foremost. What this means is that, even in a mostly serious episode that touched on deep feelings of abandonment and loneliness, there was an extended montage of the Pope getting dressed, and that montage was set to “Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO. This really happened. You can watch that video clip up there if you don’t believe me.
The reason for all this fancy dressing-up was his long-awaited first speech to the cardinals, which appears to have been delayed because he was waiting for his new hat. (Pope Pius is not entirely unlike a ruthless teenage girl sometimes.) And it’s also worth noting that he had the hat — technically an ornate golden Papal tiara he ordered to be returned from an American museum, but it’s much funnier to say “hat” — delivered via helicopter. This is the third time we’ve seen something brought to him by helicopter. The Vatican’s fuel budget must be out of control.
Anyway, the speech. As has become his custom, he used his first formal communication with the cardinals to a) rail against tolerance and openness and the general idea of religion for the masses and non-devout, and 2) make a majestic entrance. My word, what an entrance. Say what you will about his message or interpersonal skills, by my man has flair.
And once he was done with his speech, he slid his slipper-clad foot out from under his robe, presented it to the cardinals, and watched with something between self-satisfaction and outright glee as they marched up one at a time to kiss it, starting with Spencer and ending with Voiello, as we discussed above.
1. Does this pope negotiate?
Hell nah.
