Here are the opening credits for the latest iteration of FX’s American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Freak Show, which premieres next week. They are basically a non-stop 70-second stop-motion barrage of disfigured dolls and scary-as-sh*t clowns twisting their heads around. I was ready to pull some screencaps and rank all the scariest clowns or something, but then I got to about the 0:40 mark, at which point this happened and turned my brain into sludge.
What
in
the
circus-attending
f*ck
is
that?
Is … is it a naked androgynous clown with a giant boot-wearing leg for a dick? Because that’s exactly what it looks like it is. The only reason I’m questioning it is because if that is, in fact, a naked androgynous clown with a giant boot-wearing leg for a dick, then that means I just saw a naked androgynous clown with a giant boot-wearing leg for a dick, and I will have some serious soul-searching to do. Although I suppose it’s even more troubling if I thought I saw a naked androgynous clown with a giant boot-wearing leg for a dick, and that’s not what is. Like, if I’m just out here hallucinating naked androgynous clowns with giant boot-wearing legs for dicks. Yup, that would be worse. Let’s never talk about this again.
