Previously: “The Office: Middle-Earth”
Cold Open
Ironically, the sketch about torture was the least tortuous cold open of the season. There was some actual bite to the material! Bobby Moynihan and Kyle Mooney play the two psychologists who were named in the CIA torture report, but they’re more than just the evil scumbags who came up with rectum hummus — they also work with Time Warner and invented the grocery store self-check out line. THEY’RE HISTORY’S GREATEST MONSTERS.
Monologue
Martin Freeman’s British, and all British people know each other. Get it?!? Not a particularly memorable monologue, which is hard for me to admit because in theory, Kate McKinnon as Maggie Smith and Taran Killam as Alan Rickman should be delightful. Alas.
Sump’n Claus
I don’t know where this came from, and why the SNL writers didn’t want until next week to tell the story of Sump’n Claus, a fly former elf who got a little too close to Mrs. Claus and now spends his Decembers giving a little “sump’n” to everyone from Justin Bieber and Donald Sterling, but I’m glad it exists. I’ve been singing that damn chorus to myself all morning.
Wedding Objections
Mini Martin Freeman standing beside Leslie Jones: a good sight gag. But to have them play an about-to-be-married couple who only met five days ago, and in that time, she, a hard-fouling WNBA player, turned his penis into a late-stage Jenga tower? Excellent. What could have been an icky premise (“Haha, it’s funny because she’s big and black and he’s tiny and white”) was subverted to be about anything but race, until Kate McKinnon’s old lady character got her turn at the mic. But even that still worked because her delivery of “shut. it. down.” is perfect.
Right Side of the Bed
“Right Side of the Bed” was all over the place. It was kind of about Taran Killam and Cecily Strong’s flamboyantly loud couple, it was sort of about Freeman being unsure of what to do when the camera’s on him, it was ALL about Kate McKinnon as Keith Urban. The sketch suffered from a lack of coherence, but nonetheless, Freeman awkwardly dancing made me laugh. HE’S SO SMALL.
Christmas Mass Spectacular
It’s Kickspit Underground Rock Festival for the church-going crowd. I’m Jewish, so I never had to be dragged to church (only small-town productions of Fiddler on the Roof), so while I can’t speak to the accuracy of the characters depicted here, including a pastor who reads very fast then super slow and sweaty palm guy, they seem specific enough to be real. R.I.P. Ass Dan.
Weekend Update: Sasheer Zamata and Jacob the Bar Mitzvah Boy
I could do without seeing Jacob the Bar Mitzvah Boy ever again, but anytime Sasheer Zamata wants to return to Weekend Update and discuss the lack of emoji diversity, she’s welcome to. I give her my highest rating yet: one smiling poop and three twin ballerinas (that’s a good thing).
Holiday Gig
Nothing will ever replace “What Up with That” — it’s one of my all-time favorite SNL sketches for completely unexplainable reasons — but was “Holiday Gag” a lot like it? That’s a hard maybe. Both star Kenan Thompson as a room-commanding singer, both feature someone on the sax (Fred Armisen then, Freeman now), and both are weird as hell. If David Lynch directed a screwball comedy, it might look something like this, with boots made red from blood.
Waterbed Commercial
This was about as 10-to-1 as it gets. Freeman played a Lester Nygaard-esque waterbed salesmen who’s married to Janine, the woman of his dreams and in his commercials. It’s nothing special, and although he and Aidy Bryant were clearly having a great time (in fact, Freeman was pretty solid the whole episode — he was enthusiastic without ever stepping on his jokes or yelling them at the audience, like James Franco had the tendency to do last week), why couldn’t it have ended like this?
Charli XCX — “Break the Rules”
“I don’t wanna go to school/I just wanna break the rules.” Now there’s some good ol’ fashioned rabble-rousing we can all get behind (also, Charli XCX is the best thing about “Fancy” and I’m not ashamed to admit I kind of liked her — and really liked her well-dressed band — last night).
