If you ever have a question about the United States Postal Service, instead of visiting the FAQs section of their website, you should just watch reruns of Seinfeld and allow Newman to fill in the blanks. Trust me, he shared a lot. Like the meaninglessness of zip codes, and how postal workers keep “freebies.” Let’s take a look at everything we learned about the USPS from Newman in short outbursts throughout Seinfeld’s history.
When you control mail, you control information — Episode “The Lip Reader”
This is true. Think about it. Mail carriers know about everything you receive, from your subscription to Wood magazine (very thrilling), down to the letters your receive from your loved ones. And god forbid you send a postcard. That’s getting read for sure.
Zip codes are meaningless — Episode: “The Betrayal”
Newman doesn’t really give an explanation as to why zip codes are meaningless, but he is driving around with a mega-babe in a Corvette when he spouts the information so we have to believe what he’s saying.
No one needs mail — Episode: “Junk Mail”
When you think about it, mail is a luxury. We all know that we have to pay rent and our cell bill at the beginning of the month. So why do the companies send us reminders?
Mail carriers keep unreadable, damaged, and unlabeled mail — Episode: “The Label Maker”
Remember that time you never heard back from your pen pal in 1996? When you sent that super detailed letter to a kid overseas about all of the meaningless things you did over the summer and it broke your heart? Well, Newman has that letter sitting in his living room with thousands of others just like it. All because your handwriting wasn’t legible.
There is no junk mail — Episode: “The Soul Mate”
To Newman, all mail is equal, from shampoo samples to the greeting cards you receive around the holidays. It all requires postal worker man power. One man’s trash is another man’s mail!
Mail can be creased, crumpled, and crammed — Episode: “The Andrea Doria”
The next time you receive a new credit card in the mail and it’s cracked in half, just remember this little tidbit of information, because it has to fit in the mail bag one way or the other.
The mail never stops, and that’s not good for mail carriers
Can you imagine the pressure of knowing that no matter how much work you did it would never stop? That’s whats going through Newman’s brain 99% of the day.
No post worker has ever delivered more than 50% of their mail — Episode: “The Andrea Doria”
Look, I know how annoying it can be when you order something online, and it never arrives at your doorstep. But can you really blame Newman, and the rest of the postal industry for only delivering a small portion of the mail? I mean he said it himself, “the mail never stops.” Plus, trekking through snow on cold days, and fighting off miniature pinschers biting your ankles can be a bit much. Give Newman a break!