06.12.09 10 years ago 17 Comments

Today’s the day that both of the remaining households without cable or satellite television finally make the switch to digital TV feeds, and it’s INSANITY!!!  Ahhh WHAT’S HAPPENING????  How was I supposed to know?  Who saw this coming?!?!?!?  Or, as The Live Feed — which is live-blogging news about the transition — smartly put it:

2.8 million Americans [are waking] to a new dawn of inconvenience, a disaster akin to a power outage (if the outage only impacted one appliance in your home, was entirely solved by a trip to Best Buy and you knew it was coming for two years in advance).

So what’s the problem?  The problem is that it’s a GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY, MAN.

In a sprawling, consummately paranoid tirade, “Dr. A. True Ott” theorizes that the DTV box is a miniaturized version of the military’s HAARP project, a device that he claims will be used to totally pacify the world’s population, allowing the “New World Order” (funded by those international Freemason banking consortiums, natch) to deploy the military industrial complex and create a global fascist police state.

Quick everyone!  Collect all the bottled water, canned food, and pandas you can find, and get to the bomb shelters!

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