As we mentioned last night, Discovery Channel — after months of heavy promotion and two hours of lead-in filler — pulled the ultimate punk on viewers because nobody on their Eaten Alive special actually got eaten alive. Even leading up to the big climax, they detailed several times over the course of the special how once the anaconda started to consume Paul Rosolie, the only way of getting him out would be to spook the snake and have her regurgitate him.
At the last moment, however, Rosolie opted to not wear the crush-protecting armor over his arms and legs — because of “mobility” or whatever? — and he called uncle about an hour into the snake just squeezing him. The closest we got to seeing somebody eaten was just getting bopped on the helmet by the snake’s mouth a couple of times. I think it was like 10:55 when I realized, oh sh*t, this is going to be a huge cop-out, isn’t it? And cop-out it was. It was probably the single most disappointing televised event since Geraldo opened Al Capone’s vault in 1986.
The only difference, of course, is that back in 1986 people didn’t have Twitter, and oh — people were PISSED. The ensuing reaction to the disappointing limp boner that was Eaten Live was far more entertaining than anything that actually happened over the course of the two hours that the special aired. (I’m sorry, two hours and five minutes.)
Here are some of my personal favorites:
On the plus side, at least Seth Rogen and James Franco’s Naked and Afraid spoof turned out to be pretty funny.