10.02.09 9 years ago 6 Comments

What about that one over there? Her too? Wow.

If you thought David Letterman’s ten-minute story about how he got blackmailed for sleeping with “Late Show” staffers would be sufficient grist for the gossip mill, you were woefully incorrect. TMZ is all over this story like flies on an African child’s face, and we’re already learning how the extortionist — *sigh*, alleged extortionist (stupid lawyers) — was in a relationship with Letterman’s former assistant. The details:

One of the women at the center of the David Letterman alleged extortion case is Stephanie Birkitt, his former assistant — according to the search warrant obtained by FOX 5 New York. And, the warrant says, Birkitt was the suspect’s girlfriend and we’ve learned she was living with him until recently.

According to the warrant, the suspect, “48 Hours” producer Robert “Joe” Halderman, sent Letterman a package which allegedly included treatments for a screenplay with supporting materials. The warrant goes on to say the “supporting materials” included copies of parts of a diary and correspondence belonging to Birkitt.

TMZ also has a nice little story about how Halderman’s 2004 divorce settlement required him to pay $6000 a month, a a slice of information that was no doubt uncovered 3.67 seconds after they learned his name. How do they find out all this stuff so fast? Who are these people? I swear to God, in another generation TMZ is going to run our country with totalitarian authority. They know everything.

Oh no, I’ve said too much! Now they’re going to dig up my time in juvie! I swear, it was only once! And those cats were already dead!

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