April Ludgate Quotes For When You Need To Embrace Your Inner Evil Genius

Parks And Recreation‘s April Ludgate (Aubrey Plaza) is a lot of things: sullen misanthrope, apathetic government intern-turned-employee, secret wolf, and gleeful crusher of her co-workers’ dreams. But beneath her droll, deadpan demeanor and open disregard for her job beats the heart of a true evil genius.

While her softer side started to shine through eventually (mostly in her dealings with her future husband, Andy (Chris Pratt), and her fervent defense of animal rights), April never let anyone forget her dark heart and bleak worldview. The next time you need some inspiration to bring out the evil genius inside you, let these April Ludgate quotes show you the way.

“I love games that turn people against each other.”

Though April generally didn’t like engaging with her co-workers, she readily joined in the fun when the Parks department crew tried to dig up dirt on each other just to see who could find the most damning material should anyone ever run for office. It turned out everyone had their share of skeletons and public urinations in their closet, and although she was a little disappointed no one found any dirt on her, she did enjoy the chaos that ensued with everyone pitted against one another. When everyone’s busy fighting amongst themselves, you’re free to sit back and do whatever you’d like, including watch the carnage play out from the safety of your desk.

“Yes, I am very powerful and feared by many.”

When representatives from Boraqua, Venezuela, Pawnee’s sister city, arrive for a visit, April lets their intern, Johnny (JC Gonzalez), know that she’s a force to be reckoned with. Remember, as a calculating mastermind, it’s not necessarily who you are, but who you project yourself to be. After all, you’re only as good as your rep.

“I don’t care about that prize, but I’m gonna win because I want his happiness to go away.”

With everyone engaged in a friendly competition to see who could raise the most money for Leslie’s (Amy Poehler) City Council campaign, April puts herself in the running. She’s not in it for the prize itself (which in this case is two movie passes), she just wants the chance to beat Chris (Rob Lowe) and deny him his chance at winning — and by extension, his happiness. By throwing your hat in the ring, the glory doesn’t necessarily come from winning, but rather the satisfaction of pushing everyone else out of the top spot.

“I only tell the truth when it makes me sound like I’m lying.”

Nothing will solidify your rank as an evil genius more than outward deception. When Ron (Nick Offerman) is being sued by Councilman Jamm (Ron Glaser) for several million dollars in emotional damages after getting punched at Leslie’s wedding, he enlists the help of his co-workers — including April — to testify on his behalf. While all of them embelish Ron’s overall pleasantness, April really goes overboard, referring to him as “Softiepants McHuggable.” While it’s important to understand the difference between truth and fiction, a true genius will be able to blur the line between the two at their will when it comes to getting what they want.

“Oh, and I’ll also steal Ron’s watch. Just for fun.”

When April and Ron are forced to sit through Chris’s management training, CTMTS, (a great seminar, just not a great acronym), she wastes no time figuring out how to manipulate her way out of it. By pitting Ron against Chris over who has the superior management technique, she not only gives herself a clean break from the seminar but the chance to lift $20 from Chris’s wallet for a pizza date with Andy. Not to mention Ron’s watch, just as some icing on the cake. If you want to truly succeed at being an evil genius, it’s important to take a step back and see the whole playing field, not just your position. From that perspective, you’ll be able to maneuver your way into any outcome you see fit.

“I’m evil and I hate everything.”

Even though she was fighting back tears and admitting how much she had loved working with Leslie over the years, April still manages to stay on #brand by proclaiming that, deep down inside, she really is evil. And, honestly, for all her conniving over the years, April did manage to get a lot accomplished, including landing her dream job where she got to tell other people what to do before sending them far away from her. Remember, as long as you stay focused, and orchestrate the will of others like a master conductor, there will be no stopping you from achieving whatever you set your mind to.