Ashton Kutcher was on Conan last night to promote the final season of Two and a Half Men, and the conversation inevitably turned to the possibility of Charlie Sheen returning to the show. Kutcher was having none of it, responding to Conan’s inquiries with some scathing, um, Charlie Brown references?
“I’ve just kind of stopped listening to things Charlie Sheen says,” he told Conan. “Charlie Sheen has become a parent on Charlie Brown to me [breaks into “Wah Wah Wah” voice]. And I just keep saying ‘Thank you for the great job. I’ve got a great job, and it’s thanks to you not having it anymore.’ I’m just gonna keep going to work and collecting the check.”
Conan tried the question one more time, but Kutcher denied him again:
“I don’t even care. I think he’s a really [trails off, breaks back into “Wah Wah Wah” voice]. It’s not a thing for me.”
Kutcher still wasn’t done taking shots at Sheen. Later in the segment, after a Two and a Half Men clip mercifully failed to play, Kutcher once again leaned heavily on the super topical Charlie Brown joke, this time upping the comedy ante by mixing shouting into the equation. “Charlie Sheen is running the clip operation back there! And he’s going [breaks into “Wah Wah Wah” voice again]. Turn it back on, Charlie! Run the clip!”
Depressing Reminder: Ashton Kutcher made more money than any other actor on TV last year. On a comedy program, a medium where actors are traditionally compensated for their ability to generate laughter.
