Ashton Kutcher. Of Course.

And this is how the speculation about Charlie Sheen’s replacement ends. Not with John Stamos or Hugh Grant or a talking camel, but with Ashton Kutcher.

Kutcher is reportedly in line to earn nearly $1 million an episode to join Two and a Half Men. It’s not clear whether the salary includes any backend profits from reruns but it’s still hundreds of thousands more than what any A-list star would earn to join a show…

It’s unlikely that Warner Bros. TV, which produces the comedy for CBS, will announce the hiring of Kutcher before Wednesday when the network announces its fall lineup to advertisers in New York.

On Thursday, Kutcher playfully seemed to confirm reports on Twitter, giving fans asking him about the reports a wink and tweeting “what’s the square root of 6.25?” [EW]

It makes sense. It doesn’t make me happy, but it makes sense: “Two and a Half Men” is a cash cow and a ratings giant, not an artistic endeavor of merit. Its two-dimensional characters have a broad, dumb appeal, and Ashton Kutcher has a broad, dumb appeal. Besides, as Danger Guerrero noted on Twitter, Kutcher has experience inheriting things from ’80s action stars.