Bender was probably the most capable Planet Express employee on Futurama, often choosing to hang back and let others do the work. And because wise-ass slackers have an expressway to the heart of fans who have an aspirational fantasy about getting paid to do nothing while concocting clever word bombs to throw at their friends, we decided to look back at all the times Bender was a hero to the sedentary set. Our apologies to your boss.
“Too much work. Let’s burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.”
Cutting corners is the lazy employee’s specialty. Why spend two hours getting something done when you can do it in half the time? You’re blessed with time management skills — try to sell it that way.
Hermes: Bender, it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf around on the couch.
Bender: You call that a couch? I demand a pillow!
One may think they’ve mastered the art of slacking off when they’re able to do it at work and never get caught. Bender takes things to another level, though, when he tries to get a few perks thrown in. You should not try this.
“Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn’t you have just got me the death penalty?”
Speculatively speaking, the only good thing about going to jail would seem to be that you get to sit around and spend a lot of time doing nothing. One can assume that losing out on that is why Bender got so upset when he was sentenced to community service instead of a little jail time or the death penalty.
“And from now on, you’re all named Bender Jr.!”
Get rich quick schemes never really work out the way you expect them to. Bender’s plan to adopt a dozen kids just to get a check for each is a prime example, but at least he didn’t trade them to the robot devil like he did his first kid.
“I support and oppose many things, but not strongly enough to pick up a pen.”
If only more people with a petition to push or a need to rant about this and that on Facebook followed this bit of advice more often.
“You know, I don’t recall having done anything in a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke.”
In most cases, your break is mandatory. Earning that break with actual work is not.
“Oh, come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one-quintillionth of a thing.”
When you team-lift a task, the burden gets spread across the board. And if you’re really smart, you’ll find enough helpers who are willing to “lift” that you can kind of slink off to the fringes and avoid putting forth an effort.
“With one-sixth gravity, you can work and be lazy at the same time! It’s like being a voice actor!”
Looking forward to the easier days is sometimes the only thing that helps to get you through the hard ones. The boulders aren’t always weightless, is what I’m saying.
