[finishes lite beer, looks up from list ranking all female acquaintances on a scale from 1-10]
Sup bros and ladybros? I have some VERY IMPORTANT news for you about the BEST SHOW on television, “Franklin & Bash,” aka “Law Bros” aka “Stripper Court” aka “A Few Good Dudes.” THE PIE F-CKER IS GONNA BE IN IT!
Chris Klein (“Wilfred”) has been tapped to guest star in an episode. Klein plays an old high school buddy of Peter Bash (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) who’s described as a charismatic politician who wants out of the race for governor because of a family scandal. [EW]
Oh man do you bros remember American Pie? That movie was the best because everyone was all “WE HAVE GOT TO GET LAID BECAUSE SEX IS THE BEST” and then they spied on the girl with huge boobs which is kind of illegal but it’s cool because girls with big boobs totes want you to look at them all the time so the cops would just be like “Sluts, right? Carry on,” and then this kid splooged in his pants and stuck his dick in a pie, and also it had Tara Reid in it and that chick KNEW HOW TO PARTY. AN AMERICAN CINEMATIC CLASSIC, INDEED. Suck it, Casablanca.
What? This isn’t the pie f-cker guy? It was Jason Biggs? I think you’re wrong, bro. BRO. I’ve seen this movie a million times, bro. Yeah, I totes fingered Becky Jamison during it when I was in high school and she was all “Oh yeah” and this dude next to us was like “Yo knock it off” and I stuck my fingers in his soda when he wasn’t looking which was SERIOUS LOLS. No, I’m definitely right, dude. WHAT? QUIT PUSHIN’ ME, BRO. You wanna go?! I’ll fight you right here! I WILL END YOU, BRO. COME AT ME.
[tears off shirt, gets knocked out with one punch]
CHEAP SHOT, BRO.