I am going to need two things as soon as reasonably possible:
- A Czech interpreter who will work for little to no pay
- A time machine
I need these things because I want to go back to 2011, when this Czech online dating commercial was produced, and sit in the room while someone pitched “What if a sex doll commits suicide because its owner met someone through our service, and we shoot the whole thing like the saddest, darkest short film ever made?” I want to see all of the faces in the room as those words left the person’s mouth. And after I do that I want to take the person who pitched it and the person who greenlit it, load them up in my Czech rental car, and drop them off at the office of the best therapist in all of the Czech Republic because HOO BOY there are some layers of those onions that need peeling.
Then, after getting those two the help they clearly need (and probably preventing a few murders in the process), I will turn to my Czech translator and say “Where to next, buddy?” and he’ll reply “We should probably warn the Founding Fathers about Honey Boo Boo,” and I’ll look at him, smile, and shout “TO 1776!”