No one told you life was gonna be this way — deadly. Anything could probably be recut this way, but scenes from Friends edited together with ominous music makes for a really convincing horror movie trailer. Did anyone have any idea that our six favorite friends were in near-constant peril? Because, I don’t know if Chandler’s sarcasm is going to get anyone out of this one… but he will be one of the last ones to die.
Joey dies first, then Phoebe (despite her street smarts). Monica dies trying to clean up someone’s blood. Chandler dies trying to kill the killer because he never stood a chance. Rachel is the last one standing and unmasks the killer, who is definitely Ross. Because we all knew he was going to snap. He kills Rachel, but he started his murder spree with Carol off-screen. Janice survives and tells everyone the totally untrue, seedy account that involved all kinds of sex toys and a dominatrix and how much Chandler loved her.
Finally, Gunther kills Ross as revenge, exsanguinates him, pours exactly one cup of his blood into the Central Park fountain, then drips a bit into every cup of coffee served by Central Perk until Ross is finally gone and pissed out of the citizens of New York City.
CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP…