The 69th Primetime Emmys are in the books. The trophies have all been handed out and the speeches have all been given. Now, with all of that out of the way, we can get to the important business: Subjectively declaring the winners and losers from the evening as though it was all objective fact. Truly our fine country’s greatest tradition.
WINNER: Dystopias
The big winner of the night was The Handmaid’s Tale, which won for Outstanding Drama, Outstanding Lead Actress (Elisabeth Moss), Outstanding Supporting Actress (Ann Dowd), and Outstanding Directing (Reed Morano). Also, Black Mirror won two awards, for Outstanding Television Movie (“San Junipero”) and Outstanding Writing for a Limited Series, Movie, or Dramatic Special (Charlie Brooker, “San Junipero”), the latter of which was kind of a big deal because Brooker was up against names like David E. Kelly, Noah Hawley, and Ryan Murphy.
The takeaways here are as follows:
- Elisabeth Moss winning was good, because she was good in The Handmaid’s Tale and probably should have won for playing Peggy on Mad Men at least once
- It was a good year for horrifying futuristic dystopias
- Just once I want someone to make a show about the future where everything is basically fine and cool, like a live-action Jetsons or something, but with a $100 million per season budget
Moving on.
LOSER: Futuristic robot amusement parks
Westworld tied SNL for the most nominations at this year’s Emmys with 22, and while the show picked up a few wins at the non-televised Creative Arts ceremony last week, it got straight-up shut out during the main event, 0-for-7. And, like, good? It’s not that Westworld was bad or anything, although it hasn’t aged all that well compared to some of the other contenders (show me one person who says Westworld is their favorite show), it’s just… I don’t think I could make a great argument for any of its nominees over the people/shows they lost to. Maybe Jeffrey Wright over John Lithgow. Maybe. But for the most part its legacy will be “placeholder big expensive HBO show that got a lot of nominations in a year when Game of Thrones wasn’t eligible,” which feels just about right, all in all.
WINNER: Donald Glover
Donald Glover won two awards (Outstanding Lead Actor for a Comedy and Outstanding Directing). That was pretty great. Especially the Lead Actor one. That was one I was hoping for, although I also would have been happy if Aziz Ansari won it. But Ansari and Lena Waithe did pick up the win for writing for the Thanksgiving episode of Master of None, so hey, all the cool people got a trophy. I can work with this.
WINNER: Sterling K. Brown
Sterling K. Brown:
- Won for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama for This Is Us
- Shouted out Andre Braugher, which everyone should do — like, everyone, not just actors who win prestigious television awards –because Andre Braugher is the greatest
- Went with a deep-cut “Dick Whitman” Mad Men reference over a Don Draper one
Very nice. I’m still steamed they cut off his speech, though. Nicole Kidman was up there for the better part of an hour (I think). They should open next year’s ceremony by letting Sterling list more actors he likes. We can budget a solid 10 minutes for this.
LOSER: Any lead actress in a comedy not named Julia Louis-Dreyfus, for the past decade or so and maybe forever?
The year is 2265. Waves crash into the fourth floor of what used to be scenic beachfront property. Mayorbot 3000XG desperately roams the empty, lifeless streets of New York City, looking for something — anything — to govern, its sole purpose for existing rendered useless by the Mass Exodus of 2198. Julia Louis-Dreyfus wins her 254th consecutive Emmy for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series.
Critics agree it was deserved, but that it would be nice if someone else won.
WINNER: Big Little Lies
Between The Handmaid’s Tale taking home a bonnet full of awards and Big Little Lies winning for Outstanding Limited Series, Outstanding Lead Actress in a Limited Series (Nicole Kidman), and Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Limited Series (Laura Dern), plus a few others, it was a really great night for female-led dramas. Which is good. That said, if you want to argue that maybe Big Little Lies stacked the deck a tiny bit by stuffing itself with movie stars and airing on HBO, I suppose I’ll hear you out, but only on the condition that I do so while sipping white wine and staring out into the ocean dismissively from the patio of my palatial California home.
LOSER: Better Call Saul
Better Call Saul is so good. It is so good. And Bob Odenkirk is so good in it, which is something I think we’re all a little too casual about these days. One of the guys from Mr. Show is now one of the best dramatic actors on television. For perspective: It’s kind of like if Abbi or Ilana from Broad City get nominated for Outstanding Actress in a Drama 20 years from now. Which would be pretty cool, now that I really think about it.
But anyway, am I going to spit on the floor in anger that Sterling K. Brown and The Handmaid’s Tale beat the show out? No, I am not. It would have been another thing if the trophies went to, say, Anthony Hopkins (a fine actor who did very little actual acting on Westworld) or House of Cards (nope), but yeah. It’s fine. It’s all really quite fine. The sun will eventually expand until it explodes and none of this will matter anyway.
It is a really good show, though.
WINNER: Hulu
Well, look at that. Hulu — scrappy little Hulu, with its freckles and adorable mop of hair — went and beat both Netflix and Amazon to become the first streaming service to take home Outstanding Drama. Meanwhile, in a darkened room at Amazon HQ, a fuming and slightly drunk Jeff Bezos shouts “ALEXA, WHERE’S MY DAMN GAME OF THRONES? I ASKED FOR IT OVER A WEEK AGO.”
His Alexa dares not respond.
LOSER: FX
Not a great night for FX, especially after last year’s big showing with American Crime Story. Feud, Fargo, and The Americans didn’t really make any waves, Baskets and Better Things didn’t break through in the stacked comedy categories, either. It was basically The Donald Glover Show for the network last night, which is great and everything, but probably not what they would consider an ideal night.
WINNER: Topical comedy
Wins for SNL and Alec Baldwin and John Oliver, plus a couple good jokes by host Stephen Colbert (who did a pretty solid job) and others throughout the show, which was somewhat surprising when you consider that we haven’t had any big newsworthy political stories over the past year for people to sink their teeth into. Just very quiet and normal, everywhere, all the time. Yup. Extremely quiet and normal, some would say. Really makes the wins stand out, what with the total lack of material.
LOSER: Topical comedy
WINNER: The Emmys
Wait a second. The Emmys… did… good? Hey, look at that! The Emmys did pretty good!
Could you quibble with a win or two? I mean, sure. You can always quibble. And the bigger injustices here were the things that didn’t even pick up nominations, from The Leftovers to BoJack Horseman to my beloved Young Pope. But if you scan through the list of winners this year, you’d be hard-pressed to find anything egregious. My stance on awards shows remains “If we insist on doing them, let’s at least try to do things right,” and between some fresh faces and some deserving winners and some much-needed diversity all around, things turned out pretty okay. “Pretty okay” counts as a win, all things considered.
