Five Memorable Scenes From ‘True Detective’ Drawn In Incredibly Crappy MS Paint

As anyone who has spent any amount of time on any entertainment/pop culture website can attest, this week has kind of gone full-on ALL TRUE DETECTIVE EVERYTHING as we zero in on this Sunday’s finale. There have been critical examinations, parodies, theories galore, Internet funsters having fun on the Internet, etc. It’s all gotten a little nuts, which is something I support 100%. Let’s get weird, I say.

And so, with that in mind, here are five super crappy MS Paint renderings I made of iconic moments from the first season, along with the actual screencaps that inspired them. I’m not kidding, either. They are suuuuuuuper crappy. I set a time limit of 10 minutes for each, and I didn’t even come close to sniffing that for most of them. You are very welcome, world.

And away we go…

This one’s fun because, as you can see in the banner image that I posted on Twitter a few weeks back, you can add your own dialogue box and make Rust Cohle say anything you like. Go ahead. Try it. Say goodbye to the next hour.

This screenshot is improved dramatically by imagining a machete-toting Reggie Ledoux whistling popular songs of 1995 inside the gas mask. My current favorite is “Kiss From a Rose.”

I am great at art.

I added Rust Cohle to the image of his messy conspiracy-theory-filled storage locker, because I like to imagine him having a brief crisis of confidence, looking at Marty, and saying “This is, like, super normal, right?”

Took some artistic license and added a grinning Marty Hart handcuffed to the fixture above the furniture. You can see the uncensored version with your $5.99/monthly subscription to UPROXXPlus.