02.22.10 9 years ago 25 Comments

Today’s Forgotten Classic is “Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters from Beverly Hills.” That is the real name of a show that actually existed on USA in 1994, and it sucks more thoroughly than you can possibly believe. The cultural landscape of the early to mid-’90s was particularly barren (see also: Color Me Badd, “Fish Police,” overdeveloped nostalgia for “Saved by the Bell”), but this knock-off of “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers” made the Power Rangers look like Kung Fu Shakespeare. From Wikipedia:

The four central characters of the show were teens selected by a blob-like brain alien named Nimbar to fight off the monsters sent by evil Emperor Gorganus… In the first episode Nimbar recruits the four high school students and with a touch by his “finger” gives them each a tattoo, based on a constellation in the celestial sphere. When their tattoos flash, this means Nimbar needs them and a power portal appears that they can pass through to enter his chamber…

The teens could then stand atop platforms called “Transo Discs” and transform into “Galactic Sentinels” with super powers. When they put their hands together in an interlocking square they form the ultimate sentinel called Nitron. However Nitron’s power is “finite,” and they are only to form him as a last resort (for example, in the first episode of the series, when Ninjabot made the teens’ weapons disappear, they had no choice but to form Nitron).

You get the idea. Everything about it is casually ripped off from Power Rangers (with a dash of trying to ride “Beverly Hills 90210’s success), which in turn casually ripped off Voltron. And, much like the third copy of Michael Keaton in Multiplicity, it’s pretty retarded. There’s a seven-minute video clip of it below. I made it through 52 seconds. I challenge you to do better.

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