As Warming Glow’s resident expert on legal matters, shows starring Mark-Paul Gosselaar, and ridiculous TV pitches, “Franklin & Bash” is about as squarely in my wheelhouse as any show can get. Unfortunately, I feel like a lot of you are flat-out ignoring this little slice of TV heaven. To give you an idea of what you’re missing out on, I’ve decided to recap last night’s episode, which was actually and for serious titled “Bro Bono.” I think it goes without saying that it was one of the finest hours of television since “The Wire” went off the air. Before I start my recap though, I think I need to get into the proper mindset.
*turns hat backwards, bongs three Red Bull & Vodkas*
Let’s do this, bros.
Okay, you guys. So the episode starts out and Franklin (Breckin Meyer) and Bash (Gosselaar) are totes partying in the one dude’s office. Pool table, drinks, guitars, the whole nine. Then the one client comes in and is all “I’m getting divorced and my rich international playboy husband won’t bone me and that means he’s cheating,” and the jerk lawyer is like “This is serious business so you CAN’T be on this case, Franklin and/or Bash.” Blah blah blah, Franklin plays by his own rules BOOM he’s on the case. Then later Franklin and Bash are partying at their place (which they do, like, every night and high-five red Solo cup bikinis SHOTS) when this dude comes in and is like “Hey remember me we were friends, guess what I got in a bar fight but it wasn’t my fault I was just protecting people and we’ll later find out that I’ll be charged with DUI for driving a golf cart drunk to get there” and BOOM he’s client #2.
Case #1 – So Franklin gets on the divorce case and is like “Let’s just settle this easy and relaxed because I’m super easy and relaxed” but then the jerk lawyers are all “Here are pictures showing your client kissing some lady” and the other lawyers are all “Here are pictures of YOUR client kissing some lady” and, BRO, it’s THE SAME LADY. Whoa. Then the sexy felon private eye that works for Franklin and Bash investigates and the bisexual double mistress is like “Hey I never slept with either of them so this part of the plot really isn’t going anywhere,” and Franklin is all “Why didn’t he sleep with her ZOMG LIGHT BULB I know but first I have to break about a dozen important ethics rules by inviting him to my sweet house party.” So he does. While there, Franklin’s like “Let’s be honest you can’t get it up, bro. Don’t worry it happens to everyone,” and international playboy guy is all “No way I can’t totes get it up okay you got me I can’t.” This is funny because LOL at old man penis. Then the husband confesses this to his wife and they call off they divorce and live happily ever after.
Case #2 – Ok. Only Bash is on this case because tall client bro was a dick to Franklin in high school. So Bash goes to court and is like “Your Honor, come on. Assault?,” but the prosecutor is like “Ok, but also DUI,” and Bash goes “LOLWUT?” So now he has to show dude wasn’t drunk which he does by putting an old lady on the stand to say he only had two beers. (Did I mention dude lives with his Nana and parties with old broads because he lost his job because the economy is bad? ‘Cause he does.) But then the prosecutor lady is like, “Ok old lady, IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME, which it isn’t because here’s proof you used to be a prostitute!” ZOMG OLD LADY HOOKER. So now Bash needs a new plan, and he and Franklin party and play by their own rules and are like LIGHT BULB what if Franklin shotguns two beers in court and takes a breathalyzer to show that maybe dude wasn’t drunk when he drove the golf cart, only later after the alcohol got into his system because that’s what happens when you SLAM BEERS SON? So they do.
BUT THERE’S A TWIST!
Bash has to run to the office to deal with Franklin’s divorce lady case because Franklin’s too drunk to drive because he totes shotgunned two MORE beers in court which is cool because UP HIGH BROSEPH. Bash tells him to ask for a continuance but the judge is all, “Nope, why don’t you just give the closing, Guy I Just Watched Shotgun 2-4 Beers And Fail A Breathalyzer,” and Franklin’s like “Cool.” Then he gives the closing and they win and it turns out the dude that was a dick to Franklin in high school wasn’t really a dick and they all live happily ever after, too.
Then Franklin pukes in an elevator. The end.