The Game of Thrones Death Watch is a weekly roundup of who died and who looks like they might be headed for death, written by me, a person who has not read the books and will go a long, long way to make a very stupid joke. This is what we’re doing here. This is not science. Please do not yell at me.
Season 7, Episode 6 – “Beyond the Wall”
Who Died This Week?
Viserion the Dragon
A few notes on this:
– Yes, I’m still mad at Dany for signing off on the Wight Heist plot instead of just flying Drogon out there, plucking a straggler out of the line, then flying back before the Night King even knew what happened. I mean, even then it’s a questionable idea because it requires Cersei to, like, listen to them and not double-cross them, which is asking an almost unreasonable amount from someone who hates listening and loves double-crossing. But if you’re dead set on doing it, at least do it right. Now she has an Ice Dragon to deal with and she has no one to blame but herself.
– A lot of people are rightfully pointing out that the Night King took aim at the flying unmanned dragon in the distance instead of the closer one that was sitting on the ground carrying humanity’s greatest hope for survival, which seems like maybe not the best choice in the moment. On the other hand, dude took out a dragon with a magic exploding ice javelin, from a few hundred yards out, without loosening up. There’s a lot of questions we can ask about the logic at play here, but all I really want is to get the Night King to a carnival Speed Pitch booth to get a radar gun on him, if only to see the face of the confused teen working the stand when a silent ice monster walks up and throws a baseball 225 mph.
– I hope we get one of those scenes where loved ones try to make an emotional plea to a brainwashed/zombie-type in the hopes of triggering something in their brain to turn them back to normal, but it’s just the two remaining dragons screeching at Viserion with subtitles on the screen translating the entire conversation.
Thoros, Benjen, a few extraneous Wildings, a bunch of extraneous wights and Walkers, whatever, who cares
All due respect to Thoros of Myr and Uncle Benjen Ex Machina, but come on. The show set up this suicide mission, stranded our heroes on a damn rock in the middle of a frozen lake, surrounded them with soulless dead/blue-eyed monsters, and… every human of importance escaped on a dragon. It felt like such a cheat. The show has spent seven seasons telling us anyone could die at any time, but whenever it looked like that might happen here, boom, miraculous save.
The most obvious maybe/shoulda here is Tormund. Please don’t confuse my point, I do not want Tormund to die. I love him. I want him and Brienne to have giant children and train them all to be warriors, like a cross between the movie 3 Ninjas and the parenting stylings of Lavar Ball. But this was teed up for him to die. A quick rundown:
- Opening dialogue that sounded like the small talk at the beginning of an of episode of Law & Order, moments before someone finds a dead body
- Talk of love and long-term plans while heading into a dangerous mission
- Dragged away by evil ice zombies
He was basically just a “This is my one last job” away from scoring a Gonna Die bingo. And that woulda been a decent death for Tormund. And then we could have had Ice Tormund. Still not ideal for me, personally, but if we had closed this season on Ice Tormund flying the Ice Dragon, I would have gone full-on Team Night King.
The flaming ice zombie bear
I have said this a few times in a few places since Sunday night, but I will keep repeating it until I run out of breath in my lungs: Zoo has been staging insane animals attacks for almost three full seasons (giant invisible snake in Peru, ooze-emitting octopus with razor claws on an airplane, etc.), but Game of Thrones has ONE flaming ice zombie bear and now it’s a whole “thing.”
Hurtful to me on a number of different but important levels.