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‘Game Of Thrones’ Death Watch: Things Are About To Get Very Real


The Game of Thrones Death Watch is a weekly roundup of who died and who looks like they might be headed for death, written by me, a person who has not read the books and will go a long, long way to make a very stupid joke. This is what we’re doing here. This is not science. Please do not yell at me.

Season 7, Episode 7 – “The Dragon and the Wolf”

Who Died This Week?

Littlefinger

Be honest, you thought — maybe just for a second — that Littlefinger was going to wiggle out of that death sentence. He has such a history of wiggling, and of having a trump card up his sleeve, that a tiny part of me was waiting for a second twist, after the first one where Sansa okie-doked the room on the treason charge. (If ever a moment of prestige television called for a record scratch…) But no, the Great Weasel of Westeros had finally run out of allies and backroom maneuvers. And some would say he had also run out of usefulness, plotwise. Both will get you killed pretty quick on this show. Either way, rest in peace, you duplicitous cockroach.

(Duplicitous Cockroach… good name for a craft beer.)

The whole thing did come together a bit weirdly. I get the need for the fakeout because surprising him with his death sentence took away any real chance he had of avoiding it, but man, Bran really needs to be more forthcoming with all this information he has, right? Like, this all could have been nipped in the bud weeks ago if he just gave Sansa a heads up. (“Hey, just FYI, here’s a long list of reasons to kill that guy who keeps sneaking around.”) And he knew about Jon’s parentage all season, basically, but didn’t think to tell anyone until after the dude slept with his own aunt. Come on, guy. Spill the beans!

The one wight and maybe the guy who tried to knee Theon in the groin?

I’m not sure how to categorize either of these, since the wight was already kind of dead before they burned him in the pit and Theon’s beating might have stopped somewhere between “face mangling” and “homicide,” so instead of making a declarative statement about either situation I’ll just tell you that when the guy kneed Theon where his junk used to be I had an immediate “THAT’S MY PURSE!” King of the Hill flashback.

A bunch of people at the WaWHOOOAAA ICE DRAGON

Oh man. A lot of nameless people got taken out by the blue-fire-breathing undead dragon. So many. And they were people I’m supposed to be rooting for. They were defending the Wall. They were the first line of defense to keep Westeros safe. Tormund was up there. Tormund. I love Tormund. I might shed real tears if/when he does officially die, and even if he didn’t in this specific moment, things do not look good for him going forward, what with the zombie army and zombie giants and zombie dragon currently charging through the territory he occupied. It is, to put a finer point on it, a problem.

And yet, when the dragon swooped into frame with the Night King on his back, and what looked almost like a blue laser came shooting out of his face, I found myself giggling with joy. Maybe it was more of a cackle. I don’t know. I’m very conflicted on this. I have much to think about between seasons.

Who Might Die

Cersei

So, two ways this can go.

One, some combination of Jon, Dany, Arya, or Jaime kills Cersei, for some combination of reasons including a claim to the throne or her being kind of evil and awful for the entire run of the show. This will require the killing of at least the Mountain and maybe also Euron, depending how long he sticks it out when things get dicey.

(My vote: Not long! In fact, I was kind of bummed to find out that his exit from the dragonpit was a ruse. Bailing at the first sign of trouble and hitting on the hot blonde on the way out would have confirmed everything I believed about him at the start of this season.)

Two, her double cross works and everyone just kills each other, leaving her alone and on the throne with no potential threats. This would be a little hilarious. Like, if the series finale is a 90-minute battle scene in which every major character on the show dies fighting the Night King, with Jon killing him as he succumbs to his wounds, and then we smash cut to Cersei on the throne drinking wine. Can’t rule it out.

Tormund

We already covered this in the section about the fire-breathing zombie dragon, so I am going to move right along to the next person on my list, because I am not emotionally stable enough to discuss Tormund’s potential death a second time.

I will say this, though: Bless this show forever for allowing me to start a sentence with “We already covered this in the section about the fire-breathing zombie dragon” like it’s a normal thing people say.

The Mountain and/or The Hound

If this stupid show doesn’t give us a damn Clegane Bowl — formal or informal — after having these two face-off like this in the dragonpit, I will be livid. So livid. I might write a letter. Like, a real letter, with paper and pen. I’m willing to forgive a lot of stuff in the interest of getting to the point (Gendry’s ice marathon, the Night King heaving his javelin at the flying dragon instead of the one in front of him, etc.), and I would have forgiven them for skipping a Clegane Bowl if they didn’t give us this scene. But nope, not now. I must see these brothers tear each other apart. I don’t care about the hows or whys. Maybe Arya is involved. Maybe not. But it must happen. Or else.

In a semi-related note: In the finale, both of Cersei’s brothers dared her to order the Mountain to kill them and both times she backed down. We can’t see the Mountain’s face behind that iron helmet of his, but I could feel his disappointment wash over me through my screen. You can almost see him stiffen up a little when he thinks he’ll get to murder someone. He loves it so much. If he had a tail, it would be wagging.

Bran

Variety’s Maureen Ryan made a really good point when she guest-hosted TV Avalanche this week: Having an all-knowing, all-seeing Bran in the fold creates a bit of a narrative hurdle, because it should put an end to every secret plan or plot taking place on the show. All it takes is for one character to say, “Hey buddy, is Cersei up to something here?” and then, boom, there you have it. It’s a bit like when Dany’s dragons grew into airplane-sized beasts, in that you need to find a way for it to not just be game over. The simplest way to do this is to neutralize him somehow, and “neutralize” on this show often means death.

I’m not sure, though. I don’t think I see it happening that way (and I’m not even sure how you murder someone who lives in a fortress and sees all threats as they’re forming), but going another way will require some fancy tip-toeing.

Jaime

Jaime is now a man without a country. He left Cersei, so she wants him dead. He can go find Tyrion and try to team up with them, but there is not a lot of love for him in that bedroom where Jon and Dany are currently cuddling. Things could be better. My hope is that he finds Bronn and they form a kind of two man A-Team, roaming the countryside and doing mercenary do-gooder things for money, much to Bronn’s chagrin. I will accept any number of terrible story choices to put Bronn in a position to be cranky. That is what I’m about.

Tyrion

See, prior to the season finale, I figured Tyrion was safe. Or at least as safe as anyone on this show can be. But then he did that whole snooping on the lovers from the shadows thing when Jon and Dany hooked up, and now I’m not sure. Schemers have a limited shelf life on this show (see above, re: duplicitous cockroach), and he had the look of someone who was mighty concerned about what was going on, possibly even someone preparing to take sneaky steps to head it off at the pass. I’m worried about him now. I just want him to be happy.

The Night King

Well, either someone kills him or he kills every character on the show, so I think we can go ahead and consider him a goner at some point next season. Although I still maintain that it would be really funny if he just wins, and all of this decade-long power struggle ends up being for nothing. I’ll feel a little cheated, sure, but the ensuing chaos on social media and message boards around the world might fuel me with joy for the rest of my life.

Worth it? Probably.

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