TV

Game Of Thrones Power Rankings: ‘The Long Night’

HBO

So this past week’s Game Of Thrones depicted the long-awaited battle with the Night King, and after 10 years of buildup, naturally a lot of people were upset. Should it have been lighter? Should more characters have died? Should the Night King not have gone down so easily after all that buildup? Should we have learned something new?

Probably. But I learned to watch Game of Thrones more as Game of Thrones fan-fiction around season six, and after last week’s excellent episode (probably its best in years) I’m willing to give it a pass. Anyway, Game of Thrones‘ battle episodes are never its best. I don’t think it’s even supposed to have big battle episodes, but the world demanded them and here we are.

In any case, I’m not here to write a review. All my criticisms might be addressed in next week’s episode (the TV watcher’s prayer). Instead, I thought we’d just have a little fun with it. Here I rank the characters — not individually, just a general positive-negative-neutral. Who’s up, who’s down, who made a lateral move, etc., as we close in toward the end and someone claims the Iron Throne.

Down: The Night King

For all the raven’s ink being spilled about the army of the dead being a threat to all existence, he really did turn out to be a paper tiger, huh? Not that he didn’t show some bright spots early on — being immune to fire and whatnot. Speaking of that, if the Night King was immune to fire on account of being a Targaryen, how did they cremate Maester Aemon back in season five? Damn this show for turning me into Red Shirt Guy.

Down: The Army Of The Dead

Even aside from going down to defeat this week, boy, it has to suck finding out that the feudal aristocracy is still in effect in the afterlife, huh? You could almost hear the Dead Army infantry grunts going “B-b-but I thought death was the greatest equalizer!”

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