TV

‘Game Of Thrones’ Theater: Imagined Conversations Based On The Promo Images For ‘Book Of The Stranger’


As we learned last week, the fourth episode of the sixth season of Game of Thrones is titled “The Book of the Stranger.” And as we also learned, HBO has no interest in making it easy on viewers to deduce upcoming events from the episode’s description. Look at this little slice of freeform poetry.

Tyrion strikes a deal. Jorah and Daario undertake a difficult task. Jaime and Cersei try to improve their situation.

The network released the official stills from the episode, and while there’s a little more information to be extracted from them, they are also, mostly, just some pictures of people standing around. Like, look at Littlefinger up there. What’s he doing? Scheming, probably. Or maybe not. There’s no way to tell, really. So instead of attempting to do any actual analysis with the other pictures, let’s just goof around a bit. That seems like a better plan.

JORAH: Hey, Daario.

DAARIO: Yeah?

JORAH: You know that movie All Dogs Go to Heaven?

DAARIO: Yeah…

JORAH: Do… do you think that’s true?

DAARIO: [Sighs.] Jorah, I’m trying to focus here.

JORAH: Oh, yeah. Of course.

[long pause]

JORAH: It’s just… if all dogs go to heaven, that means the evil ones go, too. Doesn’t seem very nice.

DAARIO: Jorah, can we plea-…

JORAH: And what’s the incentive for a dog to behave on Earth if he’s going to heaven no matter what?

DAARIO: I really can’t see how this is important right n-…

JORAH: If I were a dog, I’d misbehave all the time. Why not, right?

DAARIO: Jor-…

JORAH: Unless… do you think maybe they have some sort dog prison in heaven? Like, so all dogs technically go to heaven, but some of them have to serve time in jail for their crimes on Earth?

DAARIO: Jorah. Will you please focus. We don’t have time for this.

JORAH: Right, right. Sorry.

[long pause]

JORAH: Hey, Daario.

DAARIO: What?

JORAH: Do you think there’s a jail in people heaven, too?

DAARIO: God dammit!

PRIESTESS: … and so that’s our usual lunch menu.

DAENERYS: You won’t be eating lunch when my dragons burn you all alive.

PRIESTESS [ignoring her]: Next up is laundry. We go on a rotation, split into groups. So you’ll be responsible for group 27D, which means you do the laundry for group 27 every fourth week of the month.

DAENERYS: There will be no more laundry rotations when my dragons burn you all alive.

PRIESTESS [still ignoring her]: And then finally, the sweeping. It gets pretty dusty in here, so we usually just try to all pitch in and do a little when we can. At least until your dragons burn us as all alive.

DAENERYS: You won’t be burning alive when my dragons burn… you… all…

PRIESTESS: A-ha.

DAENERYS: Shut up.

KEVAN LANNISTER: Man, we gotta get a zombie giant.

OLENNA TYRELL: Gotta get a zombie giant.

KEVAN LANNISTER: That’ll teach Cersei.

OLENNA TYRELL: Stupid Cersei.

KEVAN LANNISTER: Maybe even two zombie giants.

OLENNA TYRELL: I like where your head’s at.

KEVAN LANNISTER: A boy and a girl, so we can breed them.

OLENNA TYRELL: A whole zombie giant family army.

KEVAN LANNISTER: Teen zombie giants running around smashing our enemies’ heads.

OLENNA TYRELL: That’ll teach ’em.

KEVAN LANNISTER: Sure will.

YARA: Hello, Theon.

THEON: Hey. Where’s dad?

YARA: Got thrown off a bridge.

THEON: Dang.

YARA: What’s new with you?

THEON: Ramsay cut off my penis.

YARA: Yeah, I know. He mailed it to us. I came to save you, but you bit me.

THEON: Oh, right.

YARA: Yeah.

THEON: Wait, he mailed it to you?

YARA: Yup.

THEON: Did dad see it?

YARA: Yup.

THEON: What… what did he say?

YARA: Said you were a doofus and completely useless now that you have no dinger and can’t produce an heir.

THEON [muttering]: I’m glad he got thrown off that bridge.

YARA: What was that?

THEON: Nothing.

Tyrion is waiting for his potential ally to show up. To pass the time, he is singing a song of his own creation in his head, set to the tune of “I Walk the Line” by Johnny Cash

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