In almost every family, there is one member who doesn’t quite measure up. Whether it’s by way of bad decisions or just bad luck, every family has a loser, and on Arrested Development, that loser was Gob. You could probably make an argument for every single Bluth child being the family disappointment, but no one was a more consistent failure than Gob. Whether he was attempting to be a magician, a gentleman honey farmer, or the head of The Bluth Company, Gob could do no right.
If you too are the family disappointment…. uh… don’t be like Gob. However, if you must embrace your inner idiot, do it with the same gusto as the oldest Bluth child.
Never marry someone on a dare, never look up the definition of “hermano,” and always double check the return policy on doves. Let’s revisit some of Gob’s least self-aware moments so you can either learn to avoid them or embrace your inner guy in the $2,000 suit (come on!).
“Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money.”
There is always a good chance that your family won’t understand your work. If you do something outside of the traditional 9-5, the confusion will only continue to grow. Much like the Bluths never understood Gob’s desire to get in good with the Magicians Alliance once again, your demands to be taken seriously may also fall on deaf ears.
“I’m sorry, I’m just still on the whole ‘Michael being likable’ thing. You know he’s only had sex with like four women, right?”
When you’re the family failure, you might feel the need to tear down your siblings that are doing a little better than you. You’re not proud of this behavior, but it’s the defense mechanism that works for you. Gob is constantly ragging on his younger brother Michael, despite Michael’s unrelenting efforts to keep the family afloat. However, it’s best not to go too hard against your family, because…
“Michael, you can save this family. Please, do the right thing here. String this blind girl along so that Dad doesn’t have to pay his debt to society.”
… You just might need them to help you out one day. Despite constantly attacking Michael’s every choice, Gob still always came running to his brother when he needed assistance. When he wasn’t forcing Michael to taste his tears, he was usually asking Michael to bail him out. If you often find yourself in situations like that, you might want to keep your friends close and your family closer.
“Moms are such a pain in the ass, huh? It’s like ‘die already!'”
If you’re like Gob, you often can’t get out of your own way. You’ll probably say awful things in an attempt to sound cool, but those attempts will almost always backfire. Much like Gob wishing that his mother was dead, sometimes it is best to keep the awful thoughts that everyone has from time to time to yourself. Being unfiltered will not help you get ahead, and will probably only fracture your relationships further.
“Franklin said some things Whitey wasn’t ready to hear.” — Gob
“Gob, weren’t you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act?” — Michael
“He also said some things that African-American-y wasn’t ready to hear either.” — Gob
Sometimes the world just isn’t ready for your genius. What many read as “failure” could really just mean that the world is not ready to hear your voice. If you’re getting beaten up on the reg for your “ideas,” it may be time to rethink your life and find out what it is that’s holding you back. Hopefully, it’s something as simple to remove as a racist puppet.
“I hear the jury’s still out on science.”
It’s easy to try and blame your mistakes on something or someone else, especially if that someone isn’t present to defend themselves. When Gob finds out that he’s been a deadbeat dad all this time, he doesn’t exactly handle the news with grace, instead opting to accuse the entirety of science. Sometimes it’s best to just own up to whatever it is that you’ve done instead of trying to discredit something solid, which only makes you look foolish.
“I’m a failure. I can’t even fake the death of a stripper.”
There is a strong possibility that your failure will bleed over into areas that you probably thought were goof proof. If your family gets into as many scrapes as the Bluth family, you will find that certain odd skills — like faking the death of a stripper — will come in handy. However, you’ll probably bungle that too. Much like Gob, you just can’t get out of your own way, even when a bachelor party is on the line.
“It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life.”
Yeah. Gob really doesn’t know much about getting ahead, and he certainly doesn’t know about staying ahead. While short cuts and double crosses might help you out in the short term, your get rich quick schemes and plans to exploit others will not lead you to a long life of success. Hopefully you have a greater sense of what needs to be done to succeed than Gob, and you’ll trademark Mr. Banana Grabber when you have the chance.
“I should be in charge. I’m the older brother.” — Gob
“Do you even want to be in charge?” — Michael
“No… but I’d like to be asked!” — Gob
If your family is often underestimating you, they probably keep you out of the loop on a lot of things. While Gob doesn’t really want to have a role in the family business, it still cuts him deep that Michael doesn’t even consider him for a leadership position. When you’re faced with a similar position, your best bet is to put on your $4,000 suit, break out your best chicken impression, and show them what they’re missing by not including you.
“I’ve made a huge mistake.”
Even after all of that, however, there is still a good chance that you’ll screw up. It’s in your nature, and that’s the role you fill in the family. Do you embrace it, try to change, or just admit to making a huge mistake and expect others to clean it up for you? If you’re like Gob, probably the latter.