03.11.09 10 years ago 5 Comments

(the Warming Glow ambulance)

God save anyone who actually happens to watch “Good Morning America,” but I will give the show props for one of their guests this week: Dr. Malcolm Lloyd, a proponent of daily alcohol consumption who boasts degrees from Johns Hopkins and Dartmouth.

“A lot of research shows that people who drink moderately flat-out live longer than those who don’t,” Lloyd tells Page Six. “From the prevention of the common cold to the prevention of the onset of Alzheimer’s to preventing certain types of cancer, regular drinking can be very beneficial.” Whereas most research has focused on wine, he says spirits can provide the same boon. Lloyd notes that “moderation” means one to two drinks a day for women and one to three drinks a day for men, and, “the positive effects start going in the other direction” once those numbers are exceeded.

DON’T YOU TELL ME WHEN THE POSITIVE EFFECTS STOP, LLOYD!  Damn doctors with their “moderation” message.  Although I do appreciate him knocking those smug teetotalers down a peg.  I’m sorry, but I don’t trust people who don’t drink.  I can’t stand those people who are always, “I’m only 15,” or “I can’t, I’ve been sober ever since my crippling addiction ruined my marriage.”  Wah wah wah.  Pussies.

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