This space is usually reserved for answering questions about last night’s episode of Game of Thrones, but with the season finale a week away, I’m changing things up. Instead of explaining why Stannis killed his daughter — it’s because Davos let Gendry go, and he’s a blood-thirsty monster — let’s guess who else might die in next week’s episode. Wun Wun better be safe.
While the rest of the world tries to slice their way to the top, the people of Dorne handle things differently. They’re not above murder as a solution, but Prince Doran Martell, unable to stand due to a bad case of the gout, is willing to negotiate with his enemies. Ellaria wants to execute Jaime on the spot, consequences be damned, but Doran knows how that would affect Dorne’s relationship with the Lannisters, who are still the ruling family (not well). So, he lets Jaime and Ser Bronn return to King’s Landing, with two stipulations: Myrcella’s paramour Trystane must take the late Oberyn’s seat on the Small Council, and Bronn gets kabong’d in the face.
(There’s a decent chance Trystane is playing the long game, too. Let Trystane gain some influence, especially when King’s Landing is an absolute mess, and then seek your revenge.)
So, why do I think Ellaria might die? Because I never want to see Dorne again, with its low stakes and careless sense of location. It was a failed experiment… not even the most beautiful woman in the world could save it. But it needs a capper, and that can’t be Ellaria submitting to Trystane. Either she was lying and will try to assassinate the princess, the operative word being “try” before the prince refuses to give her a third chance, or the Sand Snakes, who saw her kiss Trystane’s ring, will do the deed instead. No matter what happens, good riddance to a bad subplot.
I believe an ancient meme says it best:
The “rules” of greyscale are pretty vague (probably because it’s a fake disease on a fantasy show about dragons), but these are the facts: Jorah has it, and he touched Daenerys, who passed her cooties onto Missandei and Drogon, the Magic Dragon (his greatest trick is making the Sons of the Harpies forget to throw their spears at Dany, even when she’s slowly walking unprotected to him). Greyscale may take months or even years before it fully takes over the body, but what if Daario and Tyrion discover it on Jorah? There’s always a chance they take care of the issue right then and there, and poor Jorah will never get out of the Khaleesi Friendzone. Not that it matters, because Daenerys should leave that horrible place and never come back. It’s a bit of a cheat for her to literally fly out of her own story, but Meereen was always a pit stop on the road to Westeros, anyway. It’s time for something new. Who’s going to get her other dragons, though?
(It’s worth noting that Dany can’t get greyscale, because of her Targaryen blood, but those around her can. There needs to be a WebMD page for greyscale immediately.)
“Cersei, Walder Frey, the Mountain, Meryn Trant.”
That was Arya’s Kill List in the second episode of the season. I’d say she’s doing pretty well for herself. The Mountain is Frankenstein’s Monster; Walder Frey is 379 years old so he’ll probably croak soon; Cersei’s locked in a prison cell (more about her in a minute); and Meryn Trant, who stabbed Syrio Forel with the “pointy end,” has come to Braavos, where his thirst for underage girls… nope, not gonna finish that sentence. Unfortunately, we’ll have to be reminded of it next week. Fortunately, Arya and her oysters will probably return to that brothel — Arya’s Brothel Oysters is New Jersey’s most popular restaurant — and she’ll be able to cross a name off her list, courtesy of Jaqen H’ghar’s poison meant for the Thin Man. The one complication in Arya’s plan is that she’s not supposed to be Arya anymore; she’s A Girl, and A Girl listens to Jaqen. Might she be kicked out of the House of Black and White for deliberately disobeying orders?
As for Cersei, I think she’s safe, because we already know what happens to those convicted of their sinful crimes: They’re paraded through the streets, nude, and called a sinner, like the floppy Septon from earlier this season. Death is possible, but not probable, unless God strikes Lena Headey down for wearing nothing at all, nothing at all, nothing at all.
The show really wants us to remember Lil’ Olly, who’s been giving Jon the stink eye for half a season now. For good reason: The Lord Commander is breaking bread (and skeletons) with the wildlings that murdered his family. It’s a matter of time before Olly tries to get his revenge, and time is running out this season. Game of Thrones is unlikely to kill Jon, who feels like a loser for “letting” so many people die at Hardhome, though a “is Jon dead?” cliffhanger is conceivable. A Night’s Watch vs. Free Folk brawl is definite, though, with Olly playing a key (read: DEAD) part.
The only question is whether we’ll get one last nod.
Wishful thinking perhaps, but c’mon, Game of Thrones, Sansa could use a break. By breaking all of Ramsay’s bones. Actor Iwan Rheon wants it to happen, saying, “I hope that when it does it’s epically nasty, and preferably dragon-related.” The mental image of Drogon flying all the way to Winterfell to roast that bastard is a fun one, but it’s probably not going to happen. A more-likely scenario is Ramsay conquers Stannis, who needs to DIE DIE DIE, and Brienne keeps her oath to Cat by ramming Oathkeeper through Ramsay’s neck. We, the people who don’t enjoy watching a father burn his daughter, could use a win, or at least some levity. The only instance of that we got this episode was Mace Tyrell making Mycroft Holmes squirm with his song outside the Iron Bank. Brienne’s been on the periphery of the entire season, watching the Stark daughter from afar.
It’s time she joins the fold. Who do you think will get it?