Ha Ha, Suck It Fieri!

Great news, everybody! Guy Fieri’s $200,000 Lamborhini was stolen! Oh man, I hope he didn’t have insurance.

Fieri, who lives in Santa Rosa, could not be reached for comment. And managers of the Bentley, Lamborghini, Lotus dealership on Van Ness Avenue where the chef’s prized ride was until Tuesday, were pointedly not saying much…

This much was clear, though. Sometime in the wee hours of Tuesday, a thief climbed up to the roof of the dealership, attached a climbing rope, and then rappelled into the showroom, investigators said.

He – or she – then cut the lock to the dealership’s garage door and drove off with Fieri’s car. [SF Gate]

Fieri, of course, can still drive around in his gaudily monstrous “I have a tiny penis” truck, but I’m just content knowing that something crappy happened to him. The only way I could only be happier is if his vacation house burned down. With him inside.

Oh, come on! It’s not that bad. He’d die of smoke inhalation, not immolation. Not that I’ve given it much thought.